Long Island.

You hate this place because it’s not you. You don’t have a clique. You hate these people because they aren’t you. They never got you. You rather see stars and trees because that’s simply what sets you free. It’s unfortunate that there’s only cars and beaches, oh did I mention the pollution and yet you think you have the solution to solve this grand problem that the world must fix, the goal that you chase, the problem you try to erase. At least you know this home isn’t your place.

As for me I miss your face, I’m on this island and I know that this isn’t my place, this is where I met you and I’m in love with the memories. I have a clique, so I feel like I’m forced to stick, but I don’t want to be here too, when I’m home it doesn’t feel like when I was with you. Is it my time to go? You used to say, “home is wherever you are”. I think you found your home and your purpose and I know life is not a race, but I feel like you’re winning. I try to force myself to be happy on the island where I reside. On an island where it’s impossible to get lost, so you know I’m jealous of you because you can just get up and leave, you’re able to get lost. I guess I’m lucky because the lost I get is the I’m lost for words. I never know if I should speak to you or should I just let the cat keep my tongue.

Withdrawals

I miss going on cute dates, but I also love being single. When I was in a relationship, I wasn’t the greatest at planning dates, my ex on the other hand was great at planning things, sometimes I thought she over planned while I just went with the flow, so I didn’t really plan things but now that I don’t have that I kind of miss it. I want to go on a cute date that I plan out, I want it to be romantic because lowkey I’m a sucker for love, but I do enjoy being single and my own because well I get to do whatever I want without worrying about consequences, so it’s like a double edge sword one hand I get what I want but then I’m locked down, maybe I’m just over thinking it and assuming relationships are the worst thing in the world. Ideas that I did come up with are going to the aquarium, we’d take pictures obviously then I’d tell some fun facts about penguins because I love penguins. Another idea would be a nice hike and picnic where I try to cook something you love to eat and of course take pictures. I always wanted to go to Brooklyn and to a botanical garden, good thing they have a botanical garden in Brooklyn, but I would love to go there. New York City always has adventures for me to go on so there’s always that. I love anywhere that I can take pictures because I like to photograph what I’m doing, I literally take selfies whenever I’m having a good time lol. I have a few more date ideas and I want to have more ideas that are more creative because like I said I’m a sucker for love. This is a skill I do want to improve on, I tend to get lazy then the romance fades away. This is something I think I can improve on if I have the right attitude, I must realize this isn’t a chore but a blessing, not everyone gets to experience the little things in life.

Addicted

You're watching me fall down 
Why aren't you around 
Where are you now
Why does this feel so good
You can't even smile even though you should
I don't understand anything 
I don't want to feel time so don't let the alarm ring
I'm fine. 
Take a hit, unwind. 
Relax don't get too attached.
Watch everything turn black. 
Forget & Regret it's all the same.

2019?

What do I expect from this new year? Well 2018 for me was about trying new things and experiencing things I wouldn’t have done because I worried about what others think (like dying my hair blonde). I want to continue that but in communicational level. I want my confidence to sky rocket! Not hesitate going forward just experiencing life the best way I can, 2019 for me is knowing what I want and grabbing it by the horns and making it my bitch. In March I will be going to Germany and it’s just going to be so cool to travel because that’s something I wanted to do for a while. Me and my coworker Austin said that this year about not focusing on girls and more on ourselves, he’s been doing this since 2018 and he looks like he loves his life, for me I think this means don’t settle for the first person you meet, that’s why I made this list in what I look for in a girl, I want someone athletic because I’m always doing something whether it’s running or going to the gym I need someone somewhat athletic, I want this person to love being outdoors preferably hiking but the beach is cool too I always did want to learn how to surf, another thing I want this person to be is compassionate, I love someone with a kind heart that and her being funny will win me over easily, another thing but not necessary, I’m not really into girls that wear make up or a lot of it, it’s just not my cup of tea. I made this list so I don’t waste my time flirting when I can be improving myself, so far my goal for 2019 is just to enjoy Germany and plan a hiking trip with my friends, oh and better skin care routine! I’m excited to see what the new year brings.

Steven’s Christmas Carol

Pretending to be fine

Wishing you were mine.

I wanted to be yours this Christmas

I wanted to be on your wishlist.

I wish I was kissing you under the mistletoe

I didn’t think you would go.

Staring at the tree

Wondering where you could be.

Siting by the fire

Wishing I was beside her.

I gave you my all

How’d you let me fall.

I’m still in love with you

That’s why I’m feeling blue this Christmas.

Today is Christmas Eve

How could you leave?

Always thought we were meant be

This is so hard to believe.

The weather outside is so cold

These feelings are getting old.

Knowing I have to keep my distance

I still hope you have a Merry Christmas.

Dare

I dare you to live your life

I dare you to be bold

I dare you to grow old

I dare you to let your story to be told

I dare you to let your life unfold

I dare you to live a life un-annoyed

I dare you to live a life without void

I dare you.

I dare you to drive me crazy

I dare you to be lazy

I dare you to amaze me

I dare you to save me.

-Steven Benavides

Am I Right Or Am I Wrong?

I first off would like to say I recently started growing a mustache, friends and coworkers constantly tell me to shave and that I look like a pedophile. Yeah I know I do but it’s because I’m going through the awkward phase just give me two more months, I promise I will no longer look like a pedophile but I actually got new glasses today, so I hope I look more hipster-ish this way. This isn’t what this post is about but I thought I might as well kill two birds with one stone. The other day I thought maybe I should message my ex but after a good run and looking through old pictures just smiling and laughing. I did some in-depth thinking. My conclusion is I’m not going to message her. Why am I not going to message her you may ask? Well have you ever heard of the expression “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.” of course you have, well I want my ex to be free and just experience life, I want her to experience other guys, if that’s what she wants, and if that’s not what she wants maybe she just happier alone but I just want her to experience life without me. We were young when we first got together and sometimes you grow apart but sometimes you just need space to learn and grow and either way my life will go on with her or without her, in the end of the day her happiness is just way too important and if she wasn’t happy with me then I understand. I will always love her and will only wish for nothing but the best for her in life. I know she was meant to accomplish great things. If she ever wants me back I know she will message me even if she just wants me back as a friend but for now I’ll just cheer her on from a distance. 2018 was a rough year, I broke completely and had to build myself backup and for 2019 I just expect myself to keep on building myself up and just keep on being a better me than I was yesterday.

The box

This is where your love lies

This is the place where you still haven’t said good bye

This is the place where I still see your face

This is the place where we’re still meant to be

This is the place my heart needs

Your words heal

Every love letter, every card which I still keep

Because one day I promise you, I’ll try to sweep you off your feet

This box is where we’ll meet.