HOW TO GET OVER YOUR EX…

Okay so maybe the title was just a clickbait, but there are healthy ways to cope and little tactics to just be happier alone. You have to remember that you once use to be alone and you once had this whole life without your ex. You might be older and you might enjoy different things now but you’re still YOU! I guess let’s start from the beginning, right? When my ex first broke up with me I was in denial, I thought we had the most perfect relationship in the world but she didn’t think that and she felt very unhappy with me. Her reasons for being unhappy are understandable and I don’t blame her for leaving nor am I mad at her. We don’t talk anymore and its probably for the best but if she ever needs me my door is wide open and I’ll be there to lend her a hand. She was unhappy because I just wasn’t as loving as I use to be during the beginning of our relationship, there were other reasons behind it as well but I think this was one of the main reasons for it plus her passion for life, her desire to just experience the world and I was just weighing her down, not allowing her to do so. I was in shock at the time wondering why she was breaking up with me, it felt like my whole world turned upside down, because she was my everything at the time. I always put her first even though she might have not believed so. After being in denial I was angry and you say a lot of mean things when you’re angry. A lot of things I will always regret saying to her and I wish I could take it back because my intentions were never to hurt her but as men we’re never taught how to express our feelings correctly and this isn’t an excuse or an apology because this gives me no right to lash out on a person who only provided me with joy in my life. After being angry, depression came along and this was the worst part. When I was going through this part of my life I was in college and I just went away from home for the first time, I had a single room with no roommate (big mistake) I was a transfer student with no friends at a big school, man did depression kick my ass. I eventually made three friends who I appreciate very much. Unfortunately, there’s alcohol at colleges and yeah, it’s your decision to drink but for me it was the only way I “handled” my problems and I hated this about me. Using substances to cope with unideal situations is never the answer because you end up throwing your life away, between being depressed and drinking I just didn’t care about school, a lot of people don’t know this but this was the reason why I had to drop out of school, I had lost my financial aid. I was doing bad at school and I was just going through way too much at the time, I couldn’t handle any of it. Okay so hopefully you’re still reading I know this is pretty long but we’re almost done telling my story then we can go on and talk about the ways I cope and became a happier human being just bear with me now. After being depressed, I was able to talk to my friends about what exactly was going on with my life, that helped me out tremendously or maybe it was the fear of getting kicked out of school, I don’t know but I was motivated for school again, unfortunately it was too late. I was already too deep in a hole that I couldn’t get out of. I had to go home which I wasn’t happy about at the time. Now, the good part, ways to cope. First off, I would like to say these things helped me so they might not work for you but if they do, I’m glad that I was able to help someone out. First be honest with yourself, I for example, for the longest time I would tell myself I was okay. I’m over my ex but in reality, I missed her like crazy she was my best friend and I spent every single possible moment I could with her. I told myself one day and I tend to talk to myself a lot (no I’m not crazy) I miss her and its okay to miss someone you spent a lot of your time with, there’s nothing wrong with being sad but you have to pick yourself up. Nobody likes a cry baby or a loser, when moments get tough you have to be your own motivator. Secondly, Running! Running changed my life drastically this year. I’m no marathon runner nor do I think I will ever be one but man I sure do love it. I seem to run the best when I’m having a shitty day for some reason. Running is just an amazing way to go outside and enjoy the fresh air plus also notice the little things we always take for granted in life. Now running isn’t for everyone but I hate excuses, oh I can barely run a mile, oh I’m slow, well who cares! You’re not competing against anyone so why does it matter? I used to avoid running because I always cared about people looking at me while I run but in reality, why does it matter? I don’t know these people so why should I care what they think about me? My next tip and my favorite tip is “look good feel good”. Wear something nice that you feel amazing in, at my job I wear athletic clothing and I don’t get to dress up at all because all I do is work, run and go to the gym, so whenever I have a chance to strut my peacock feathers I will. This allows me to feel confident and just handsome. Another way I cope was by smiling just smile as much as possible even if you’re alone at the moment, this just tricks your brain to being happy (I like to take pictures of myself smiling (I post a lot of them on my VSCO)). Another way and probably the best way to be happier is to go on adventures. An adventure can be from going to the city or maybe even trying out a new taco spot (who doesn’t love tacos) an adventure doesn’t have to be this big crazy elaborate thing it just has to be new and exciting to you. I force myself a lot of the time to get out of my comfort zone and try new things, things where people/I would never believe I would do in a life time. How will you experience life if you’re stuck doing the same thing every day? So be spontaneous (for example I booked a flight to Germany). Can’t afford to travel? Well travel locally go to that farm you’ve always wanted to check out. You don’t need to travel around the world to be happy just remember to love yourself and to put yourself first. Now, is this the recipe for a broken heart? Of course not. Everyone is different, but happiness will replace that void in your heart that you’re feeling. So go out and smile!

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