Recently Spotify came out with a playlist called your top songs 2018, obviously this is a playlist of the song you listened to the most this year. Music for me was always a powerful tool, because whenever I couldn’t express myself using words there was always a song that could just explain how I was feeling. On top of that music always brings back certain memories for me it’s kind of like how when you smell something familiar like let’s say grandma’s cookies, so you picture yourself as a child at grandma’s house, well that’s what music does for me. This playlist brought back so many memories while I went on my run the other day. I ran to the beach for the first time in a while (because it’s a bit far and I’ve been out of shape to run that far) but man I had the whole beach to myself and I sang my heart out, tears came out as I’m remembering some memories I had with my ex on this beach. All the memories were good memories, but they are memories that I just wish could happen again you know? My ex was the only girl that was able to answer this question, “what’s your favorite song?” whenever I ask any other girl, they hit me with the I listen to everything. My ex answered with “If I Die Young by The Perry Band and Being Again by Taylor Swift” this morning when I woke up at 5am and for some odd reason I really want to listen to “Begin Again” and I don’t really go on my ex’s Instagram but I’m scrolling through and I just say out loud to myself “wow, she’s beautiful.”. I will always think to myself that I let the best thing that has ever happen to me walk away from my life. I broke up with my ex and when I wanted her back she didn’t want me anymore. I wish I was stronger back then to withstand the pain I was going through at the time but my pride didn’t let me. I lost the most compassionate, sweet, kind (she doesn’t really like being called being sweet or kind because she thinks people take advantage of her because it’s a sign of weakness) intelligent, understanding and just a ride or die person I’ve ever met and she was so supportive, always pushing me to be the best person I could be. Now she’s all a distant memory and music is what I have left of her. Today I’m listening to “Begin Again” on repeat just wishing it would begin again.