Music August 2019

I decided I should make a playlist every month because I have great taste in music. I will try to keep playlist versatile so it’s not always just one genre but let’s see how this goes, enjoy!!!

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Flaws of Tinder

I guess I really never thought about it before but tinder is not where I’m going to find a girlfriend. First flaw I noticed about tinder is the type of people I see, these women aren’t looking to settle down but to have some “fun” which isn’t bad but it’s not what I’m looking for. Flaw number 2 the abundance of 18 year old(s) on the app, these women are young and most of are still trying to comprehend their emotions. 3rd flaw and I guess this is my fault but every time I meet someone from tinder, like go on a date they want to have sex on the first date (I know, I know, why are you complaining Steven) and I always have to decline because one, I just don’t feel comfortable doing that yet or two, I didn’t bring a condom because its the first date. I genuinely want to meet people but when I talk about small things like trying to get know the person I feel like I get shut out like they talk about something else or ignore the question. Anyways maybe I’ll switch to bumble but bumble scares me as well since I had a traumatic experience from bumble. Well keep on rocking everyone!

It is better to have loved than to have not loved at all.

So I thought I meet this perfect person on tinder (I still think she’s perfect) and I’m not going to talk shit about her because I genuinely think she’s an amazing person, but I think I did the right thing by letting her go. She reminded me so much of a younger version of myself, so I feel like she wasn’t ready for something that serious. Just like younger me, I was going through a lot of shit and everyone goes through shit so I get it but she isn’t done going through it and I can tell and She didn’t seem to have wanted it as much as I did and that’s okay. Some people aren’t ready for something that serious which is okay as well and I didn’t want to end it but it felt like it was the right thing to do. I felt like I couldn’t fix our problems. We weren’t on the same page plus communicating is a lot harder than I thought it would be. It sucks that I had to let her go but I at least I got to experience that. She’ll forever be a lesson I’ll never forget. Thank you ❤️. It sucks because I know she’s upset with me but like I said communicating is a lot harder than it is and nothing was reciprocated so where was my reason to stay? Well time to continue on with life, just have to keep walking with my head high 🙂

Dating.

This is a term I like to use loosely because in reality dating scares the shit out of me, so I haven’t been on a date since November and Tuesday (which is tomorrow) will make it the second girl I will be going on a date with since my ex. The first girl was actually really sweet but she reminded me too much of my ex and I was having a mental breakdown because of it trying to find any reason that there was something wrong with her, but it has always been me and I hope she found someone better because I did, she did not deserve that. She was so sweet, so Ellie if you are reading this which I doubt you are because we last spoke in November and I doubt I left a “memorable impression” for you to go back on my website, I do apologize for just acting so immature and not telling you how I felt at the moment, how commitment scares the crap and just relationships scare me in general. I’m scared that my past will repeat itself where, I invest myself into someone and it doesn’t work out again. After Ellie though, I tried the hook up life which was cool I guess, I didn’t like it though, I didn’t like the “nothing” feeling, I didn’t like feeling nothing, if anything I felt worse about myself, so I decided to go on tinder again and I started talking to someone and she seems really dope like she reminds me of a mixture of my ex and me which I find kind of cool, it’s different because she talks like me, which is funny to me but a lot of the interests or things she likes are things my ex likes but I have to not be afraid anymore and see where can this take me. So today’s message I guess is to face your fears! Have a great day everyone!

Sometimes I forget to breathe

Because somedays I forget breathe.

Oxygen is the people around me.

When I feel like no one cares,

I feel like two hands are around my neck.

I’m suffocating and I forget my purpose.

If you picture an air bubble popping what do you think of?

For me it’s my friends the people who support me

When that bubble pops it’s them telling me to live.

I’ve been suffocating for too long and I hate. I hate. I hate how everyone assumes it’s because of you. There’s days where I don’t even think about you there’s days that I don’t care because I left you in my past and I’m only worried about my future but the way I picture it, I see nothing. Then I being to worry and get anxious thinking of things that may never happen but I always expect the worst because I’m just used to it. again fuck I’m not breathing and I have to catch my breath. I’m just a man gasping for air. Hoping people will care.

Boys in the woods.

As if we were kids again. Let’s get lost in this moss we call the woods. The deeper I go, I feel my soul feel electric. This is what makes me feel alive. Not a care in the world, not afraid to die. Exploring new horizons, wondering what can we find. Excited by making new trails and paths. Just boys in the woods. Wondering how far our legs go. Wondering how long my lungs can last. Whether I walk slow or fast, noticing how my heart will react. Loving my sight, inspiration by a different kind of beauty. The Sun beaming, kissing my skin, drenched in sweat, can’t get enough of sunsets. Two boys wanting to take over the world, wishing we could just live here forever.