So with work and just life going on, I’ve just been very busy lately and I know that isn’t an excuse and I’m probably just going to get busier with summer coming but like in my last post I do want to write more.
So what is to come in the future? Well yesterday I just bought my first DSLR camera which I’ve been wanting to buy since last year. I just need to make one more big purchase and I’m set to start my summer project. My summer project I’ve been planning it out here and there but I’m getting closer to start it. So I use to make YouTube videos and let me tell you they were terrible so I deleted all of them except for one because I knew I was going to do YouTube again and I didn’t want to start over with making a channel. Why’d I quit in the first place? Good question at that point of my life I was just giving up on everything, I was frustrated and my computer wasn’t strong enough to handle video editing so it took way too long to edit a video plus while watching the video during editing it would always lag while I edit so I couldn’t see what exactly I was editing or I’d have to watch it over and over again until I got it right, the videos weren’t coming out how I wanted them to be but now that I have this great big idea I think I’m ready to try again. Since my knowledge about film making, computers and cameras grew.
What’s my big idea? Another good question well when I first did YouTube it was strictly Vlogs and I felt like I had to force my life to be exciting and it didn’t seem genuine. I always wanted to make films. Films, photos, and writing are where I get to show off my creativity. So as some of my first couple of followers know, I was majoring in psychology at University at Albany, why is that important to know well my videos aren’t going to be about psychology necessarily but I’m starting off with my friends (my friends don’t know yet I’ve been keeping quiet about it) then working up my courage to ask strangers but I’m going to ask them deep questions and they can answer it however they want to answer it jokingly or seriously whatever but I want it to be like a therapy session where they can vent their feelings or problems, where I can be someone people talk to and I know not many people are open to sharing their feelings especially on the internet but we’ll see how it goes. This is a learning experience and we’ll see how it goes. Every time I have a new idea as in a new question to ask people I write it down in my book that no one knows I own (top secret 🤫). So for example my first question I wrote down was “why aren’t you where you want to be in life” these types of questions aren’t to make people feel bad, they’re so people understand we’re more similar to each other than you think. Everyone goes through shit and experiences are different for everyone, so it’s okay if you’re not at the point in life where you want to be. It’s okay to feel hurt sometimes.
Well more to come soon I’ll keep you guys update when I start my project it’s most likely beginning in the end of summer but I’ll keep you posted and to all my followers thank you for your patiences and support. I hope all this will be worth the wait, in the meantime here’s my first crappy blog if anyone wants to check it out https://youtu.be/1qL_IIZJBVk
As if we were kids again. Let’s get lost in this moss we call the woods. The deeper I go, I feel my soul feel electric. This is what makes me feel alive. Not a care in the world, not afraid to die. Exploring new horizons, wondering what can we find. Excited by making new trails and paths. Just boys in the woods. Wondering how far our legs go. Wondering how long my lungs can last. Whether I walk slow or fast, noticing how my heart will react. Loving my sight, inspiration by a different kind of beauty. The Sun beaming, kissing my skin, drenched in sweat, can’t get enough of sunsets. Two boys wanting to take over the world, wishing we could just live here forever.
Lately I’ve been so in love with my life, I love nature, I love just being alive. I feel like I’ve been exploring so much I just love the place I live. I know it’s not the greatest place but there’s just so much places I haven’t explored, I have so much friends here, old ones and I make new ones every week. Just going with the flow.
Today at work my friend Jeff was being dumb as always but a truck pulled up while we were enjoying lunch outside and Jeff said I think he has a gun and I said to my coworkers “my life is so perfect right now, I don’t care if I die”, I’ve experienced so much in life. I feel like I experienced it all and I don’t want to die but I’d be okay if nature just took its course on me. Anyways the guy in the truck told me to come so I did. He was telling me he use to be a meth addict and that how God saved his life and he said one day he started praying and his addiction went away now I already do believe in God. So it was kind of cool just hearing his story. It was funny to see all my coworkers being afraid. So I guess the lesson of the day is be fearless! You never know who you’ll encounter, Thank you for telling me your story Joey.
You ever do something out of spite or just the heat of the moment? My mom made me do some spring cleaning about 2 weekends ago and I threw out a lot of stuff, stuff that I can never get back and now it’s hitting me like damn why did I do that. I know why I did it at the time but now I’m regretting what I did. For some odd reason I picked up my old laptop and I connected my phone and I saw photos that I no longer have on my phone that were on my old laptop so I’m glad I still have them because they make me smile and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying some old memories just don’t live in the past, it is what it is, and things will be how they’re suppose to be so don’t stress life, it’s not suppose to be a perfect Hollywood movie, it’s suppose to be this beautiful mess of new adventures and as time goes on so will the people you go on those adventures with. Just remember though, no matter how upset you are at the moment think of the long run how beneficial that thing you’re about to do may be for you.
Here’s a interesting YouTube video I was watching and I would like to give my own answer after you watch it.
The simple answer is yes. So around 6 minutes and 25 seconds I was able to relate with that man. I had one suicidal thought and it was the scariest thing ever. It happen February 9th the moment right after I called my ex. Luckily I did believe in God and had a relationship with him because I don’t know if I’d be here right now if didn’t but that’s a story for another day. I’m here to talk about my heart break, She was my high school sweetheart and my first real relationship, I definitely broke her heart way before she broke mine. I think she’s a wonderful young lady with a kind heart and anyone would be lucky to have her. I don’t hold grudges and I’ve tried to hate her but in the end of the day I never can. She was my bestfriend, yesterday I actually saw a photo of her on Facebook with her cap and gown, it was a bittersweet feeling because I thought I would be there for that chapter of her life, I was always trying to be her little cheerleader in the corner. Trying to help her with homework even though I knew nothing about environmental sciences, so trying to teach myself while trying to help someone else was pretty hard lol. You don’t understand how happy I am for her. When I saw that photo I had the biggest smile on my face because it was such a relief like yes she finally did it. I always knew she was able to do it but just seeing that photo was just a breath of fresh air.
Does it affect me today? Yes but not in the way you think. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for her. If you ever met her you’d probably think she was a weirdo if you just didn’t get her. Under that complex way of thinking she has, she makes you want to change for the better because he ideology of just life is just so humane and humble and I wanted to just like her. Whenever she was down or uncertain of how the future may be, you kind of just wanted to be this positive force for her because there is hope. This affects me today because I’m scared that I will never find someone I had that special bond with again, I’m scared that when I do find someone she won’t get all the love she deserves because in the back of my head there’s always going to be the thought of the bond me and ex had, will it ever compare to what I have now? It affects me today because with my relationships with other people (male or female), I often feel distant since I no longer open myself up to people and if I do open up it takes a lot longer than usual, that makes me a bit sad because I use to be this loud person but now I’m just more quiet if anything.
What would I tell her today? Well obviously just that I’m proud of her and I hope she continues to succeed in life. If I still know her like I use to I’d tell her don’t be scared. Just like us, and now college, this part of your life may be over but there’s many other adventures yet still to come.
So I haven’t ran in over a week and I’m getting antsy because of it. I haven’t ran because of my knee. This a pain I’ve never felt before, like it’s been over a week and my knee still hurts. It’s at random times as well. Whether it’s when I stand in spot for too long or sit in a chair funny. Me not running is not what’s making me antsy though it just helps me be less antsy, it’s because my friend Laura. Laura called me yesterday asking me to me to go up to Albany to see her graduate and go to the bar for one last night out in Albany next weekend. I went to school at Albany for only a semester and it’s because my life was being turned upside down during my time there and it’s no one’s fault but my own, I justified drinking as the solution to all my problems. Either way I made two awesome friends Laura and Alex. So obviously I want to be there for her. I dropped out of Albany in January of 2018 and I’ve only visited once since Halloween weekend. After throwing up and my head using the toilet as a pillow, I decided to just chill out, this lifestyle isn’t for me anymore and I did for the most part. Every time I go to Albany I just want to go home. It’s like this place changes my character. I have crazy fun for the night but when I wake up the next day and it’s daytime no one was there and when they were it didn’t feel like it.
I Also have to tell my mom I’m going and I want to take my car but my mom freaks out because my car is on the older side. Long Island to Albany is about a 3 hour drive and I have to drive through New York City which isn’t a problem for me I’ve done it multiple times. My mom on the other hand freaks out for the slightest of things so I don’t know how I’m going to bring this up to her.
Back to running, today when I went to work, I noticed my job’s parking lot was the finish line to a marathon. This made me upset because I knew I couldn’t run even though I wanted to. I’m afraid something will happen to my knee mid run and I can’t run forever plus I don’t have insurance so I don’t want it to be something major. I think I’m going to try to run tomorrow and hope my knee doesn’t collapse on me.
Well have a good night guys, wish me luck that my knee doesn’t give up on me. Also let me know what you guys do to calm your nerves?
It’s crazy because I had this in my drafts (I completely forgot to post this, its over a month old) and couldn’t post it because I just simply didn’t know the answer to this but I went to the WWE’s Hall of Fame, I honestly didn’t think I was going to find the answer I was looking for at a wrestling event. So story time, I have this one friend who lacks confidence, he thinks he’s extremely fat which he isn’t at all. So me and my other friend are trying to get him out of his comfort zone a bit. So we went to the mall the other day just to show him like what we think is cool and just trying to give him tips to be more confident. My friend who lacks confidence was telling me and my other friend how he likes loose fitting jeans, which isn’t a bad thing, but I want him to try wearing skinny jeans just to see how he feels in them. His wardrobe isn’t bad either but I feel like he dresses too much like an adult, I mean I’m 22 and I use to dress a lot like him and maybe it’s because we’re a product of the town we grew up in and we were trying to fit in with the rich white kids but lately I’ve switched up my style I’ve been dressing down a lot and yeah I might look like hooligan but I feel comfortable and confident in my clothes So what are some tips to being confident you may ask? Well personally I don’t know. WWE’s Hall of Fame wrestler Torrie Wilson knows for sure. She first said she was a shy person but she pushed herself to be confident for all her fan which I respect a lot. Her first tip was “Permission is for pansies” don’t ask permission to do what you want to do. It’s your life! you should live it however way you want to live it. Her second tip, which I thought was pretty funny “Summon your Swagger!” for me this meant whenever the occasion calls for it, be the most confident person you know. Yeah this is probably the hard part of confidence but think of it this way. You don’t always need to be super confident but let’s say you’re dancing at a club or something, you’re shy of dancing in public, summon your swag, even if you look stupid at dancing, your happy and having a great time people will notice your confidence. Torrie Wilson’s last tip and probably the most important. “Forget your failures” Look everyone is going to fuck up but you can’t let that get the best of you. Example of this is I went to bar with my friend Justin in the city and he just recently became single and he doesn’t talk to random girls at bars but he did it anyways. He got rejected and he took it like a champ. Already forgetting his failure, he took it more like a lesson. He said “wow honestly that gave me so much confidence I’ve never done that before but I think I can do that now with no fear.” Props to him because I’m still scared to do that lol. Look confidence comes in difference forms but we shouldn’t let fear ruin our lives. Life is too short to be living it to the fullest. BE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR IN SKIN. take chances. Always believe in yourself, you’re capable of doing anything you set your mind to and more.
Happy Friday guys! Enjoy the start of your weekend and be confident with whatever you do today. Love you guys!