It is better to have loved than to have not loved at all.

So I thought I meet this perfect person on tinder (I still think she’s perfect) and I’m not going to talk shit about her because I genuinely think she’s an amazing person, but I think I did the right thing by letting her go. She reminded me so much of a younger version of myself, so I feel like she wasn’t ready for something that serious. Just like younger me, I was going through a lot of shit and everyone goes through shit so I get it but she isn’t done going through it and I can tell and She didn’t seem to have wanted it as much as I did and that’s okay. Some people aren’t ready for something that serious which is okay as well and I didn’t want to end it but it felt like it was the right thing to do. I felt like I couldn’t fix our problems. We weren’t on the same page plus communicating is a lot harder than I thought it would be. It sucks that I had to let her go but I at least I got to experience that. She’ll forever be a lesson I’ll never forget. Thank you ❤️. It sucks because I know she’s upset with me but like I said communicating is a lot harder than it is and nothing was reciprocated so where was my reason to stay? Well time to continue on with life, just have to keep walking with my head high 🙂

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Dating.

This is a term I like to use loosely because in reality dating scares the shit out of me, so I haven’t been on a date since November and Tuesday (which is tomorrow) will make it the second girl I will be going on a date with since my ex. The first girl was actually really sweet but she reminded me too much of my ex and I was having a mental breakdown because of it trying to find any reason that there was something wrong with her, but it has always been me and I hope she found someone better because I did, she did not deserve that. She was so sweet, so Ellie if you are reading this which I doubt you are because we last spoke in November and I doubt I left a “memorable impression” for you to go back on my website, I do apologize for just acting so immature and not telling you how I felt at the moment, how commitment scares the crap and just relationships scare me in general. I’m scared that my past will repeat itself where, I invest myself into someone and it doesn’t work out again. After Ellie though, I tried the hook up life which was cool I guess, I didn’t like it though, I didn’t like the “nothing” feeling, I didn’t like feeling nothing, if anything I felt worse about myself, so I decided to go on tinder again and I started talking to someone and she seems really dope like she reminds me of a mixture of my ex and me which I find kind of cool, it’s different because she talks like me, which is funny to me but a lot of the interests or things she likes are things my ex likes but I have to not be afraid anymore and see where can this take me. So today’s message I guess is to face your fears! Have a great day everyone!

Sometimes I forget to breathe

Because somedays I forget breathe.

Oxygen is the people around me.

When I feel like no one cares,

I feel like two hands are around my neck.

I’m suffocating and I forget my purpose.

If you picture an air bubble popping what do you think of?

For me it’s my friends the people who support me

When that bubble pops it’s them telling me to live.

I’ve been suffocating for too long and I hate. I hate. I hate how everyone assumes it’s because of you. There’s days where I don’t even think about you there’s days that I don’t care because I left you in my past and I’m only worried about my future but the way I picture it, I see nothing. Then I being to worry and get anxious thinking of things that may never happen but I always expect the worst because I’m just used to it. again fuck I’m not breathing and I have to catch my breath. I’m just a man gasping for air. Hoping people will care.

Boys in the woods.

As if we were kids again. Let’s get lost in this moss we call the woods. The deeper I go, I feel my soul feel electric. This is what makes me feel alive. Not a care in the world, not afraid to die. Exploring new horizons, wondering what can we find. Excited by making new trails and paths. Just boys in the woods. Wondering how far our legs go. Wondering how long my lungs can last. Whether I walk slow or fast, noticing how my heart will react. Loving my sight, inspiration by a different kind of beauty. The Sun beaming, kissing my skin, drenched in sweat, can’t get enough of sunsets. Two boys wanting to take over the world, wishing we could just live here forever.

Explorer

I’ve been doing so much lately and I’ve been having a blast doing it. I’ve been going to places I’ve never been to just being outside and just trying to live in the moment. I went to Caumsett State park and my friend showed me this untraveled trail and the views were just beautiful.

We’re actually on a cliff right here
I thought this was super cool, I wish I was able to climb it like they do in the movies.

After exploring Caumsett I went to somewhere I’ve always wanted to go to Kings Park Abandon Psychiatric Center, which is something I’ve always wanted to explore.

Bad day to wear jeans but this was a last minute trip.

I’ve been just exploring and enjoying the wilderness, hanging out with a lot of new friends. If this is an indication of how my summer is going to be I just can’t wait to continue my exploration. I’ll try to take a lot more pictures and write more about my adventures. Talk to you guys later! Have a great day!

What I want.

I hope there’s not too many errors in this post I didn’t have much time to write this today before I went to work

So there’s this girl I barely talk to, but every time I do somehow she ends up saying “aww you’ll find someone someday” and I don’t know why she said that. I rather be alone, like I’m seriously fine with being alone. It sounds weird I know but I just don’t click well with people that well anymore and it seems like the older I get, I start speaking less and less to people like wanting to connect with new people, I judge a lot not in like oh that person is stupid way but more in I compare people to me way so if you’re not like me, we’ll probably won’t be friends. It’s just weird how she assumes that I’m looking for someone. Personally a relationship is just not what I want anymore. I’m 22 going on to 23 and while it’s May and I see people graduating from school, getting married or having kids. I’m not jealous about any of that. I’m happy for everyone else who is graduating, getting married or having kids because obviously that’s their dream but unfortunately that’s not mine. People think that just because you do any of things that I mentioned, that you’re happy or successful but I’m not any of those and I’ve never been happier. The other day I was going through my photos and after scrolling for a while, I said to myself, I have a fucking amazing life like I’m so lucky, I’ve travel so much since I left high school, like I know other people travel and others probably travel more than I do but I don’t know all the journeys I got to experience with all these different people. I think that’s what life is about. It’s not about fulfilling other people’s expectations. It’s about literally doing what the fuck you want.

Two weekends ago I was high at the bar and I said to myself “wow we really are the stars of our own movies” like you are in control of your life, so if you’re not happy with a situation, do something about it. In the end of the day you are in control of your happiness.

So to the girl who keeps telling me “aww you’ll find someone one day” I say no thank you. I’m not looking for a perfect someone. I’m looking for me. That’s why my blog is called discovering me. I don’t know how old all my followers are but if you’re on social media and you see someone with the “perfect life” don’t be jealous, 1. Be happy for them and 2. Their life probably isn’t perfect, so don’t worry if yours isn’t. Just focus on yourself. An example of this is my best friend Brian, I really hope his baby mama doesn’t read my blogs. He graduated from university, has a kid with his high school sweetheart, a beautiful home, a nice car, and he is one of the most unhappiest people I know. Me on the other hand I have none of that and I’m one of the happiest people I know. All these experiences I’ve been lucky to have, Brian hasn’t been apart of any of it, if anything he missed out on all of them. So just because you want something doesn’t mean it’ll make you happy. I hope you guys enjoy your life and start living in the moment and not in the future

P.s. yesterday at work went great and I was anxious for no reason, always remember to have faith in yourself because I seem to always forget lol