I keep telling myself how I don’t want to repeat my actions and mistakes from my past but I’m so dumb, if I keep acting like this will it last? Maybe it’s because I think my life is boring, I’m always looking for the next big thing. Speaking to women who don’t need to be spoken to, but I keep acting up because I know I can get away with it. Why do I find this fun. Life decisions like I haven’t learnt a thing. I made a promise to myself I wouldn’t go down this path again. Feelings like I don’t care maybe because I was hurt and now I feel like I have ruin other people’s happiness because I fucked up my shot. With my tears shed, I feel alone again. So many people around why do I feel alone. I always tell myself I’ll never call you again. The only thing I seem to do right. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about you at night. I remember all the fights. Sorry because I’ll probably lie again. Fuck.
So with work and just life going on, I’ve just been very busy lately and I know that isn’t an excuse and I’m probably just going to get busier with summer coming but like in my last post I do want to write more.
So what is to come in the future? Well yesterday I just bought my first DSLR camera which I’ve been wanting to buy since last year. I just need to make one more big purchase and I’m set to start my summer project. My summer project I’ve been planning it out here and there but I’m getting closer to start it. So I use to make YouTube videos and let me tell you they were terrible so I deleted all of them except for one because I knew I was going to do YouTube again and I didn’t want to start over with making a channel. Why’d I quit in the first place? Good question at that point of my life I was just giving up on everything, I was frustrated and my computer wasn’t strong enough to handle video editing so it took way too long to edit a video plus while watching the video during editing it would always lag while I edit so I couldn’t see what exactly I was editing or I’d have to watch it over and over again until I got it right, the videos weren’t coming out how I wanted them to be but now that I have this great big idea I think I’m ready to try again. Since my knowledge about film making, computers and cameras grew.
What’s my big idea? Another good question well when I first did YouTube it was strictly Vlogs and I felt like I had to force my life to be exciting and it didn’t seem genuine. I always wanted to make films. Films, photos, and writing are where I get to show off my creativity. So as some of my first couple of followers know, I was majoring in psychology at University at Albany, why is that important to know well my videos aren’t going to be about psychology necessarily but I’m starting off with my friends (my friends don’t know yet I’ve been keeping quiet about it) then working up my courage to ask strangers but I’m going to ask them deep questions and they can answer it however they want to answer it jokingly or seriously whatever but I want it to be like a therapy session where they can vent their feelings or problems, where I can be someone people talk to and I know not many people are open to sharing their feelings especially on the internet but we’ll see how it goes. This is a learning experience and we’ll see how it goes. Every time I have a new idea as in a new question to ask people I write it down in my book that no one knows I own (top secret 🤫). So for example my first question I wrote down was “why aren’t you where you want to be in life” these types of questions aren’t to make people feel bad, they’re so people understand we’re more similar to each other than you think. Everyone goes through shit and experiences are different for everyone, so it’s okay if you’re not at the point in life where you want to be. It’s okay to feel hurt sometimes.
Well more to come soon I’ll keep you guys update when I start my project it’s most likely beginning in the end of summer but I’ll keep you posted and to all my followers thank you for your patiences and support. I hope all this will be worth the wait, in the meantime here’s my first crappy blog if anyone wants to check it out https://youtu.be/1qL_IIZJBVk
As if we were kids again. Let’s get lost in this moss we call the woods. The deeper I go, I feel my soul feel electric. This is what makes me feel alive. Not a care in the world, not afraid to die. Exploring new horizons, wondering what can we find. Excited by making new trails and paths. Just boys in the woods. Wondering how far our legs go. Wondering how long my lungs can last. Whether I walk slow or fast, noticing how my heart will react. Loving my sight, inspiration by a different kind of beauty. The Sun beaming, kissing my skin, drenched in sweat, can’t get enough of sunsets. Two boys wanting to take over the world, wishing we could just live here forever.
Lately I’ve been so in love with my life, I love nature, I love just being alive. I feel like I’ve been exploring so much I just love the place I live. I know it’s not the greatest place but there’s just so much places I haven’t explored, I have so much friends here, old ones and I make new ones every week. Just going with the flow.
Today at work my friend Jeff was being dumb as always but a truck pulled up while we were enjoying lunch outside and Jeff said I think he has a gun and I said to my coworkers “my life is so perfect right now, I don’t care if I die”, I’ve experienced so much in life. I feel like I experienced it all and I don’t want to die but I’d be okay if nature just took its course on me. Anyways the guy in the truck told me to come so I did. He was telling me he use to be a meth addict and that how God saved his life and he said one day he started praying and his addiction went away now I already do believe in God. So it was kind of cool just hearing his story. It was funny to see all my coworkers being afraid. So I guess the lesson of the day is be fearless! You never know who you’ll encounter, Thank you for telling me your story Joey.
I’ve been doing so much lately and I’ve been having a blast doing it. I’ve been going to places I’ve never been to just being outside and just trying to live in the moment. I went to Caumsett State park and my friend showed me this untraveled trail and the views were just beautiful.
After exploring Caumsett I went to somewhere I’ve always wanted to go to Kings Park Abandon Psychiatric Center, which is something I’ve always wanted to explore.
I’ve been just exploring and enjoying the wilderness, hanging out with a lot of new friends. If this is an indication of how my summer is going to be I just can’t wait to continue my exploration. I’ll try to take a lot more pictures and write more about my adventures. Talk to you guys later! Have a great day!
I love my momma so I decided to get a tattoo today. Her name is Reyna which means Queen in Spanish, so I decided to get a crown. Let me know what you think!
You ever do something out of spite or just the heat of the moment? My mom made me do some spring cleaning about 2 weekends ago and I threw out a lot of stuff, stuff that I can never get back and now it’s hitting me like damn why did I do that. I know why I did it at the time but now I’m regretting what I did. For some odd reason I picked up my old laptop and I connected my phone and I saw photos that I no longer have on my phone that were on my old laptop so I’m glad I still have them because they make me smile and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying some old memories just don’t live in the past, it is what it is, and things will be how they’re suppose to be so don’t stress life, it’s not suppose to be a perfect Hollywood movie, it’s suppose to be this beautiful mess of new adventures and as time goes on so will the people you go on those adventures with. Just remember though, no matter how upset you are at the moment think of the long run how beneficial that thing you’re about to do may be for you.