Gone Girl 😢

I can’t believe how upset I am about this girl I barely knew, well I will cope the only way I know how, listening to sad songs while high. Here’s a playlist I made if people want a sad boy playlist. The first song I feel like described the relationship perfectly by the way so it sets the mood https://open.spotify.com/user/12156843423/playlist/5cSnQB8S9yIMSCt9rL0rXK?si=dOENjdk9TPanh4Kf-XwWSQ

Enjoy guys and be awesome like soy sauce!

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Fear of Being Alone

We all want love. It’s just something we crave but the more I notice, I feel like people don’t let their hearts heal before moving on. Let me explain. I think we have this huge fear of being alone or that things won’t get better from our past, or we honestly just want to move on, so someone new is that quick fix that we’re looking for. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay if you hold on for that pain for a bit. Let your heart heal before you meet someone new. I don’t think it’s fair to be with someone, if I’m in love with someone else and I’m speaking from experience, so story time. I went out with this girl from bumble (a dating app) and for some reason she like fell in love with me after the first date, which blew my mind because like she barely knew me, and I didn’t say she was going to be my girlfriend. Well after the first date I notice that she deleted her bumble which for me was extremely odd because like I said we weren’t together and from my understanding and from what I told her I said I wasn’t ready for a relationship. The reason why I told her I didn’t want a relationship was because I knew I was still in love with my ex at the time and I knew that this was the first date I went on after my break up which I kept telling myself I can’t settle for the first person I meet, why’d I tell myself that you ask? Well I think I would have attached myself to this person for the wrong reasons, my fear of being alone and just for that person to make me feel better. I shouldn’t have to depend on someone else for my happiness. I tell myself all the time I have to learn to be happy on myself and just love myself the best I can, you can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself and for me that was an important concept. I have a tendency for just settling for the first thing that comes into my life, and that’s not okay. Be patient, I promise you that you don’t need anyone right now. Good things come to those who wait. Just let things fall into place, the right person will come into your life when you’re not even looking. Enjoy being single, trust me it’s not for forever even if it seems that way. Love you guys.

Lost Might Not Be A Bad Thing

Being lost might sound scary, I mean imagine being alone not knowing what direction you are going, sometimes I enjoy being lost, this is how I experience new adventures, so recently I did something that I didn’t think I would ever do, I met up with someone from a dating app. The experience itself was different and the night went in a totally different direction than what I planned, which wasn’t a bad thing, but it was new. The girl I met was kind and sweet, she was such a nice girl, something happened though. It had nothing to do with the girl, it was me. I thought of my ex. For me this ruined the rest of my night, I think. At the end of the night I dropped her off and I couldn’t comprehend the emotions I was feeling then, but after a few days of reflecting on my thoughts, I think I know what I want. So, after the date I didn’t want to see the girl again only because I was holding on to my past and I don’t like letting things go, but it’s something I must learn how to do. After speaking to one of my friends about the date, he gave me a great piece of advice and I wish I told him after how much his words meant to me, but he told me, “Steven why don’t you put your happiness first, you’re holding on to hopes of something that may never happen”. He was right though, here I am dwelling on my past and not enjoying the present. There was nothing wrong with this girl, but I was telling myself there was because of what ifs. Now after thinking, I would love to go on another date with this girl because the night was fun it was different and unusual. I think it’s what I need. A piece of advice I would love to give people right now is, try something new even though your past may make it hard or seem like it’s not okay to. Go ahead! Experience life! Enjoy new things! it’s okay, I promise and if they aren’t then maybe you’re not ready and that’s okay too just don’t be afraid to try new things.

Are You A Fuckboy?

What is a fuckboy? A fuckboy to me is a man or a boy who only uses people for sexual intentions with no intentions of committing to a relationship. Why is this a problem? Fuckboys don’t tell their partners that they don’t want a relationship thus hurting their partners. So, am I a fuckboy? By my definition I don’t think so, but I’ll let you decide at the end of this post. In high school I didn’t have many relationships because I didn’t “glow up” until after puberty which was 11th grade. Before 11th grade I only had one relationship. It was in the 9th grade and that didn’t last long so I don’t really count that as a relationship. In 11th grade I was making out with a girl who was in a relationship, which at the time I didn’t really care because I was a dickhead in high school plus I actually liked the girl at the time (the girl was really mean and she would black mail me using my nudes (don’t sext)), I don’t know what was wrong with me at the time but luckily for me her phone broke and all my nudes got erased. After my nudes got erased, I made a move on my ex girlfriend and we had a relationship which lasted about 4 years. During those 4 years, I was still a dickhead. During the 1st year of our relationship was the first time I hurt her. I cheated on her (no I didn’t have sex with another girl, but I kissed another girl) this really affected my ex but since I told her immediately and I felt like shit after I did it, I guess she forgave me. Then 2 or 3 years later I did something stupid to impress my friend because I wanted him to think I was cool (don’t fall into peer pressure) I grabbed some girl’s boob and was flirting hard with her. I didn’t tell my ex right away because I knew this time, she would have not forgave me, but eventually I told her, and we did break up because let’s be honest relationships won’t last if you lie to one another. So, am I a fuckboy? Probably, I don’t know. There was this one time this girl messaged me immediately after I broke up with my ex and told me how she liked me in high school (I didn’t believe her because I knew for a fact she was obsessed with this other guy) but she told me that and invited me over to her house, I thought she was inviting me over for sex. I was wrong, we watched some shitty movie. So the next day I blocked her number. After all this happening in my life, I think it taught me a valuable lessons and I owe the girl’s in this post an apology. I owe my 9th grade ex a apology because, I ghosted her since she gave me mono. I owe the girl who was in a relationship at the time an apology too, I should have never gotten involved with her like the way I did. I ruined her relationship and I owe her boyfriend at the time an apology, he was a really nice guy and when he found out about me, all his friends wanted to kick my ass but he told them not to, which is just really nice of him so I feel like more of an asshole now. I owe my ex the biggest apology of all because I obviously was not mature enough for our relationship since I always acted like a child, I wish I could have been better. I’m sorry. I owe the girl I kissed an apology because I led her on and had no intention of ever leaving my ex for her. To the girl who’s boob I grabbed, I’m not saying sorry because she messed with guys who were in a relationship. I know its my fault in the situation but she shouldn’t do that either. To the girl who I blocked, I’m not apologizing either. So, do I think I’m a fuckboy, no. I think I learned my lesson. I feel like a fuckboy would not have remorse to what he has done, and I never want to hurt anyone like the way I hurt my ex. I don’t want to be that guy and I refuse to be that guy again. Life is about learning and that’s what I plan to do. One important thing my ex said to me while we were broken up, which are words I live by now, “be honest with girls”. So, are you a fuckboy? Also do you think all men cheat?

Why I Hate Dating Apps

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Let me start off by telling you a story. I have never met up with anyone I met on a dating app nor do I think I ever will, I do talk to women though. There was this one girl I spoke to on Tinder and I super liked her, because in her Bio it said she had a Corgi and she gets a discount at Target (my favorite store to go shopping). We end up matching of course, so I messaged her. It took her 8 days to respond but whatever. She messaged me back. I didn’t like her like that because she was 5’10 and I’m 6 feet tall (I’m actually 5’11 but who actually carries a ruler with them) but like I said she had a Corgi (Corgis are my favorite dog) so we start talking and it seemed like we had a lot in common and she told me she actually had two Corgi, which is a game changer, I have to continue talking to her now, but one day she stopped responding. This resulted in my heart being broken, just kidding I barely knew this girl, but this isn’t the reason why I hate dating apps. There are so many reasons why I hate dating apps. The main reason why I hate them is simply because they’re stupid. Why are they stupid you ask? Well let me explain, I don’t enjoy talking to strangers, I don’t like talking to people in general (I only message people after I smoke weed, I guess this is my liquid courage). I think everyone is boring personally (I’m sure people think I’m boring). Whether it’s Tinder or Bumble they both suck. I hate Tinder because I tend to just swipe right on everyone, so I can get a match, then when I do get a match, you can’t just message a girl saying “hey what’s up” or “hey how’s it going” because that’s too generic of an introduction, so I use my secret weapon which works about 75 percent of the time. I like to send GIFS, specifically of a seal waving and saying “sup” (just type seal sup, it’ll pop up) for some odd reason girls respond to this, maybe it’s funny, maybe it’s cute, maybe girls are just as horny as I am and want to talk, I don’t know, just somehow it works. After all that hard work of me sending my seal GIF I always get a “hey” in return and this pisses me off. This is the reason why I hate bumble. On bumble it’s acceptable for girls to send guys “hi” or “hey” and we’ll sure damn respond but if a guy does that on tinder you get no response what so ever. Maybe we should have double standards, I don’t know. Another reason why I hate dating apps is because, do we really get to know one another? Like I’m not telling a stranger my life story and every single detail about myself and I doubt they are telling me theirs. I hate it when girls ask me “what do you do for fun” and my response is “I don’t know, I don’t really do much anymore, I just work, go to the gym and run” this makes me sound extremely boring. Should I start lying to people? Start telling them how crazy my life is? In real life I’m actually a catch and I think I’m funny, but you’ll never know or experience that while messaging me on a dating app because well, I’m socially awkward and just don’t know what to do during these interactions. Any ways these are the reasons why I hate dating apps, yet I will continue to use them because I’m bored, and I enjoy swiping on people while on the toilet. By the way, if the girl with the Corgis ever reads this, please message me back. I would really love to play with your dogs and I would also love a discount at Target!