What’s to come…

So with work and just life going on, I’ve just been very busy lately and I know that isn’t an excuse and I’m probably just going to get busier with summer coming but like in my last post I do want to write more.

So what is to come in the future? Well yesterday I just bought my first DSLR camera which I’ve been wanting to buy since last year. I just need to make one more big purchase and I’m set to start my summer project. My summer project I’ve been planning it out here and there but I’m getting closer to start it. So I use to make YouTube videos and let me tell you they were terrible so I deleted all of them except for one because I knew I was going to do YouTube again and I didn’t want to start over with making a channel. Why’d I quit in the first place? Good question at that point of my life I was just giving up on everything, I was frustrated and my computer wasn’t strong enough to handle video editing so it took way too long to edit a video plus while watching the video during editing it would always lag while I edit so I couldn’t see what exactly I was editing or I’d have to watch it over and over again until I got it right, the videos weren’t coming out how I wanted them to be but now that I have this great big idea I think I’m ready to try again. Since my knowledge about film making, computers and cameras grew.

What’s my big idea? Another good question well when I first did YouTube it was strictly Vlogs and I felt like I had to force my life to be exciting and it didn’t seem genuine. I always wanted to make films. Films, photos, and writing are where I get to show off my creativity. So as some of my first couple of followers know, I was majoring in psychology at University at Albany, why is that important to know well my videos aren’t going to be about psychology necessarily but I’m starting off with my friends (my friends don’t know yet I’ve been keeping quiet about it) then working up my courage to ask strangers but I’m going to ask them deep questions and they can answer it however they want to answer it jokingly or seriously whatever but I want it to be like a therapy session where they can vent their feelings or problems, where I can be someone people talk to and I know not many people are open to sharing their feelings especially on the internet but we’ll see how it goes. This is a learning experience and we’ll see how it goes. Every time I have a new idea as in a new question to ask people I write it down in my book that no one knows I own (top secret 🤫). So for example my first question I wrote down was “why aren’t you where you want to be in life” these types of questions aren’t to make people feel bad, they’re so people understand we’re more similar to each other than you think. Everyone goes through shit and experiences are different for everyone, so it’s okay if you’re not at the point in life where you want to be. It’s okay to feel hurt sometimes.

Well more to come soon I’ll keep you guys update when I start my project it’s most likely beginning in the end of summer but I’ll keep you posted and to all my followers thank you for your patiences and support. I hope all this will be worth the wait, in the meantime here’s my first crappy blog if anyone wants to check it out https://youtu.be/1qL_IIZJBVk

Peace ✌🏽

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Boys in the woods.

As if we were kids again. Let’s get lost in this moss we call the woods. The deeper I go, I feel my soul feel electric. This is what makes me feel alive. Not a care in the world, not afraid to die. Exploring new horizons, wondering what can we find. Excited by making new trails and paths. Just boys in the woods. Wondering how far our legs go. Wondering how long my lungs can last. Whether I walk slow or fast, noticing how my heart will react. Loving my sight, inspiration by a different kind of beauty. The Sun beaming, kissing my skin, drenched in sweat, can’t get enough of sunsets. Two boys wanting to take over the world, wishing we could just live here forever.

Steven’s Christmas Carol

Pretending to be fine

Wishing you were mine.

I wanted to be yours this Christmas

I wanted to be on your wishlist.

I wish I was kissing you under the mistletoe

I didn’t think you would go.

Staring at the tree

Wondering where you could be.

Siting by the fire

Wishing I was beside her.

I gave you my all

How’d you let me fall.

I’m still in love with you

That’s why I’m feeling blue this Christmas.

Today is Christmas Eve

How could you leave?

Always thought we were meant be

This is so hard to believe.

The weather outside is so cold

These feelings are getting old.

Knowing I have to keep my distance

I still hope you have a Merry Christmas.

Bleeding In Silence

How many times a day do people ask you “how do you feel?” or “how are you?” probably at least once a day right? How many times do you actually tell them how you feel? I use to keep to myself a lot because as men we really aren’t taught to talk or express our feelings. Bottling up your emotions was a skilled I mastered, no one ever knew when I was upset because I always carried a big smile on my face, but in reality I was bleeding in silence. Hurting everyday with so much weight on my shoulders, I would just brush it off and acted like everything was okay. Living this way made me drink alcohol because this made me feel better about myself for a bit but is that really okay? I’m not saying alcohol is terrible because I do drink still, just once in a blue moon especially around the holidays but I definitely don’t drink like I used to nor do I ever want to go back to that point in my life. It’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to be upset or sad, everyone has emotions and we have to learn how to express them, it will always be hard for me to share my emotions but I’m learning. With this being said we as men shouldn’t be ashamed of showing emotions or being sensitive. If you need to talk to someone do it! Everyone has someone that cares about them, and if you don’t have that person in your life, feel free to contact me I’ll listen. Remember mental health is important as physical health.