I keep telling myself how I don’t want to repeat my actions and mistakes from my past but I’m so dumb, if I keep acting like this will it last? Maybe it’s because I think my life is boring, I’m always looking for the next big thing. Speaking to women who don’t need to be spoken to, but I keep acting up because I know I can get away with it. Why do I find this fun. Life decisions like I haven’t learnt a thing. I made a promise to myself I wouldn’t go down this path again. Feelings like I don’t care maybe because I was hurt and now I feel like I have ruin other people’s happiness because I fucked up my shot. With my tears shed, I feel alone again. So many people around why do I feel alone. I always tell myself I’ll never call you again. The only thing I seem to do right. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about you at night. I remember all the fights. Sorry because I’ll probably lie again. Fuck.
What is a fuckboy? A fuckboy to me is a man or a boy who only uses people for sexual intentions with no intentions of committing to a relationship. Why is this a problem? Fuckboys don’t tell their partners that they don’t want a relationship thus hurting their partners. So, am I a fuckboy? By my definition I don’t think so, but I’ll let you decide at the end of this post. In high school I didn’t have many relationships because I didn’t “glow up” until after puberty which was 11th grade. Before 11th grade I only had one relationship. It was in the 9th grade and that didn’t last long so I don’t really count that as a relationship. In 11th grade I was making out with a girl who was in a relationship, which at the time I didn’t really care because I was a dickhead in high school plus I actually liked the girl at the time (the girl was really mean and she would black mail me using my nudes (don’t sext)), I don’t know what was wrong with me at the time but luckily for me her phone broke and all my nudes got erased. After my nudes got erased, I made a move on my ex girlfriend and we had a relationship which lasted about 4 years. During those 4 years, I was still a dickhead. During the 1st year of our relationship was the first time I hurt her. I cheated on her (no I didn’t have sex with another girl, but I kissed another girl) this really affected my ex but since I told her immediately and I felt like shit after I did it, I guess she forgave me. Then 2 or 3 years later I did something stupid to impress my friend because I wanted him to think I was cool (don’t fall into peer pressure) I grabbed some girl’s boob and was flirting hard with her. I didn’t tell my ex right away because I knew this time, she would have not forgave me, but eventually I told her, and we did break up because let’s be honest relationships won’t last if you lie to one another. So, am I a fuckboy? Probably, I don’t know. There was this one time this girl messaged me immediately after I broke up with my ex and told me how she liked me in high school (I didn’t believe her because I knew for a fact she was obsessed with this other guy) but she told me that and invited me over to her house, I thought she was inviting me over for sex. I was wrong, we watched some shitty movie. So the next day I blocked her number. After all this happening in my life, I think it taught me a valuable lessons and I owe the girl’s in this post an apology. I owe my 9th grade ex a apology because, I ghosted her since she gave me mono. I owe the girl who was in a relationship at the time an apology too, I should have never gotten involved with her like the way I did. I ruined her relationship and I owe her boyfriend at the time an apology, he was a really nice guy and when he found out about me, all his friends wanted to kick my ass but he told them not to, which is just really nice of him so I feel like more of an asshole now. I owe my ex the biggest apology of all because I obviously was not mature enough for our relationship since I always acted like a child, I wish I could have been better. I’m sorry. I owe the girl I kissed an apology because I led her on and had no intention of ever leaving my ex for her. To the girl who’s boob I grabbed, I’m not saying sorry because she messed with guys who were in a relationship. I know its my fault in the situation but she shouldn’t do that either. To the girl who I blocked, I’m not apologizing either. So, do I think I’m a fuckboy, no. I think I learned my lesson. I feel like a fuckboy would not have remorse to what he has done, and I never want to hurt anyone like the way I hurt my ex. I don’t want to be that guy and I refuse to be that guy again. Life is about learning and that’s what I plan to do. One important thing my ex said to me while we were broken up, which are words I live by now, “be honest with girls”. So, are you a fuckboy? Also do you think all men cheat?