Yesterday I went to this bar called the Nutty Irishman in Farmingdale, it was pretty good, I made out with a stranger and that was something I’ve never done before. I don’t really talk to woman at the bar, I kind of just vibe, so this was just new for me. When we kissed I felt absolutely nothing and I don’t know if I like that. It made me feel like I was emotionally unavailable. She was a pretty girl too but I don’t know maybe hooking up with people just isn’t my thing. She came up to me and kept saying “oh my god you’re so fucking cute” to me and to be honest I’m really bad when it comes to people complimenting me. I didn’t know what to do when she complimented me so I shrugged my shoulders, she laughed. So she grabbed my hand and we started dancing (bumping and grinding) and then she called me cute again so I was like fuck it, let me kiss her. I’ve kissed a few people and all of them were always different of course but there was like a connection but this time it was like I wasn’t even there. When I was in a relationship, hooking up with girls was something I always wanted to experience and some days I still do but I don’t know, I feel like I can’t get passed the “you have to be in a relationship to have sex” mindset. Last night was definitely a confidence booster though. I’ve been noticing girls staring at me more at the bars lately, so that helps my ego. I’m still trying to get out of my comfort zone, so I’m curious how my life plays out from here. If anyone has any tips or ever experienced what I’m going through please leave a comment and let me know. I love looking at other people’s perspectives.
This is going to be a quick blog post because I have to go on a run soon. I feel like I’m stuck in life right now like I’m not enjoying it. I just started working at this new place and there’s so many positives to it, like I’m a lot less stressed from work now. I make more money and my schedule is awesome. Just I don’t know, I feel bored more often. My routine lately has been work, run, smoke weed, shower, eat, sleep and repeat. So lately I’ve been thinking maybe I should start dating (get out of my comfort zone and just get to know more people), but I also don’t want to date because I’m saving my money to move out and next year live with my friends (living on long Island ain’t cheap). So I’m just blah. I also want to go back to school even if it’s community college on the weekends, I originally was majoring in psychology but I think I would like to switch my major to English because I do enjoy writing and I would like to become a better writer. I guess the point in my life right now that I’m experiencing is, what I want and who I want to become. I use to want this materialistic life where all these achievements in my life would make me happy and the amount of money I made was a measurement of my happiness, but I just want to enjoy life and live in the moment. I use to buy a lot of expensive name brand stuff and that doesn’t really matter to me anymore. I dress down a lot more and that makes me happy, so that’s good but what I do know is that, I want to be nice, caring, a person who helps/respect others even if others step on me or treat me like crap because in the end of the day I can’t control other people’s actions I can only control my own actions and I don’t want to stoop to anyone else’s level. Well if anyone has advice on what I should do to be less bored let me know.