Gone Girl 😢

I can’t believe how upset I am about this girl I barely knew, well I will cope the only way I know how, listening to sad songs while high. Here’s a playlist I made if people want a sad boy playlist. The first song I feel like described the relationship perfectly by the way so it sets the mood https://open.spotify.com/user/12156843423/playlist/5cSnQB8S9yIMSCt9rL0rXK?si=dOENjdk9TPanh4Kf-XwWSQ

Enjoy guys and be awesome like soy sauce!

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Boys in the woods.

As if we were kids again. Let’s get lost in this moss we call the woods. The deeper I go, I feel my soul feel electric. This is what makes me feel alive. Not a care in the world, not afraid to die. Exploring new horizons, wondering what can we find. Excited by making new trails and paths. Just boys in the woods. Wondering how far our legs go. Wondering how long my lungs can last. Whether I walk slow or fast, noticing how my heart will react. Loving my sight, inspiration by a different kind of beauty. The Sun beaming, kissing my skin, drenched in sweat, can’t get enough of sunsets. Two boys wanting to take over the world, wishing we could just live here forever.

Explorer

I’ve been doing so much lately and I’ve been having a blast doing it. I’ve been going to places I’ve never been to just being outside and just trying to live in the moment. I went to Caumsett State park and my friend showed me this untraveled trail and the views were just beautiful.

We’re actually on a cliff right here
I thought this was super cool, I wish I was able to climb it like they do in the movies.

After exploring Caumsett I went to somewhere I’ve always wanted to go to Kings Park Abandon Psychiatric Center, which is something I’ve always wanted to explore.

Bad day to wear jeans but this was a last minute trip.

I’ve been just exploring and enjoying the wilderness, hanging out with a lot of new friends. If this is an indication of how my summer is going to be I just can’t wait to continue my exploration. I’ll try to take a lot more pictures and write more about my adventures. Talk to you guys later! Have a great day!

Don’t be quick to react.

You ever do something out of spite or just the heat of the moment? My mom made me do some spring cleaning about 2 weekends ago and I threw out a lot of stuff, stuff that I can never get back and now it’s hitting me like damn why did I do that. I know why I did it at the time but now I’m regretting what I did. For some odd reason I picked up my old laptop and I connected my phone and I saw photos that I no longer have on my phone that were on my old laptop so I’m glad I still have them because they make me smile and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying some old memories just don’t live in the past, it is what it is, and things will be how they’re suppose to be so don’t stress life, it’s not suppose to be a perfect Hollywood movie, it’s suppose to be this beautiful mess of new adventures and as time goes on so will the people you go on those adventures with. Just remember though, no matter how upset you are at the moment think of the long run how beneficial that thing you’re about to do may be for you.

What I want.

I hope there’s not too many errors in this post I didn’t have much time to write this today before I went to work

So there’s this girl I barely talk to, but every time I do somehow she ends up saying “aww you’ll find someone someday” and I don’t know why she said that. I rather be alone, like I’m seriously fine with being alone. It sounds weird I know but I just don’t click well with people that well anymore and it seems like the older I get, I start speaking less and less to people like wanting to connect with new people, I judge a lot not in like oh that person is stupid way but more in I compare people to me way so if you’re not like me, we’ll probably won’t be friends. It’s just weird how she assumes that I’m looking for someone. Personally a relationship is just not what I want anymore. I’m 22 going on to 23 and while it’s May and I see people graduating from school, getting married or having kids. I’m not jealous about any of that. I’m happy for everyone else who is graduating, getting married or having kids because obviously that’s their dream but unfortunately that’s not mine. People think that just because you do any of things that I mentioned, that you’re happy or successful but I’m not any of those and I’ve never been happier. The other day I was going through my photos and after scrolling for a while, I said to myself, I have a fucking amazing life like I’m so lucky, I’ve travel so much since I left high school, like I know other people travel and others probably travel more than I do but I don’t know all the journeys I got to experience with all these different people. I think that’s what life is about. It’s not about fulfilling other people’s expectations. It’s about literally doing what the fuck you want.

Two weekends ago I was high at the bar and I said to myself “wow we really are the stars of our own movies” like you are in control of your life, so if you’re not happy with a situation, do something about it. In the end of the day you are in control of your happiness.

So to the girl who keeps telling me “aww you’ll find someone one day” I say no thank you. I’m not looking for a perfect someone. I’m looking for me. That’s why my blog is called discovering me. I don’t know how old all my followers are but if you’re on social media and you see someone with the “perfect life” don’t be jealous, 1. Be happy for them and 2. Their life probably isn’t perfect, so don’t worry if yours isn’t. Just focus on yourself. An example of this is my best friend Brian, I really hope his baby mama doesn’t read my blogs. He graduated from university, has a kid with his high school sweetheart, a beautiful home, a nice car, and he is one of the most unhappiest people I know. Me on the other hand I have none of that and I’m one of the happiest people I know. All these experiences I’ve been lucky to have, Brian hasn’t been apart of any of it, if anything he missed out on all of them. So just because you want something doesn’t mean it’ll make you happy. I hope you guys enjoy your life and start living in the moment and not in the future

P.s. yesterday at work went great and I was anxious for no reason, always remember to have faith in yourself because I seem to always forget lol

Nail biter

So something people don’t know about me is that, I actually have anxiety. I think one person knows about it but I never told them I had it. I always play it cool, you’d never assume that I’m an anxious person because I seem cool, calm, and collected but in reality I’m freaking out on inside. I use to bite my nails all the time in front of this person and they would always question me why I would bite them but I played it off and told them it was a force of habit. I no longer bite my nails because I had invisible aligners for awhile and was unable to bite my nails and I haven’t felt really anxious in awhile either (I tend to get anxious while driving alone to place I’m unfamiliar with). Today I am feeling pretty anxious though. I got promoted at my job and now I have to do computer stuff and I consider myself a tech savvy person but I was trained for maybe an hour yesterday and now I have to do it on my own today. The reason I feel anxious is because if I fuck up then the company can miss out on thousands of dollars. I tend to mess up at my job to begin with, so this nerve wrecking. Right now I’m just rerunning what I learned yesterday in my head over and over again before I go to work. The more I do it, the more I wished that I asked more questions. I hate messing up. It makes me feel dumb. I keep telling myself it’s going to be fine just go slowly but I feel like I’m going to forget steps. I should probably drink some tea to calm down. Anyways I hope everyone is having a better start to their day than I am! Happy Wednesday guy! Friendly reminder to take it slow!