Don’t be quick to react.

You ever do something out of spite or just the heat of the moment? My mom made me do some spring cleaning about 2 weekends ago and I threw out a lot of stuff, stuff that I can never get back and now it’s hitting me like damn why did I do that. I know why I did it at the time but now I’m regretting what I did. For some odd reason I picked up my old laptop and I connected my phone and I saw photos that I no longer have on my phone that were on my old laptop so I’m glad I still have them because they make me smile and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying some old memories just don’t live in the past, it is what it is, and things will be how they’re suppose to be so don’t stress life, it’s not suppose to be a perfect Hollywood movie, it’s suppose to be this beautiful mess of new adventures and as time goes on so will the people you go on those adventures with. Just remember though, no matter how upset you are at the moment think of the long run how beneficial that thing you’re about to do may be for you.

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Oil Change

So the other day I was going to do an oil change on my car but I stripped the drain plug bolt. For me I didnt care because I knew I could just take it to the mechanic and I knew he’d be able to get the bolt out but my mom got really upset with me, she said “Steven you can’t do anything.” I don’t ever talk back to my mom, I usually let her talk my ear off but whenever someone insults my intelligence or calls me dumb or useless, I get upset because I know I’m a smart kid, I think it got me a little extra mad because I literally do everything for my mom. So I said “oh yeah and you know how to do everything,” then my mom said “well at least I don’t try to do stuff I don’t know how to do”. So I responded “well if you don’t know how to do something you then gotta learn” and she stayed quiet. For me and oil change is one of the simplest things to do on your car, I’ve seen my step dad do it so many times and I know how to do it but the drain plug was so rusty that it wouldn’t come off no matter what I did, it just kept stripping and getting more deformed from it’s original shape. I know my mom means well but her words hurt because she doesn’t know how I feel about not growing up with a dad to teach me “man” things. My whole life I had to teach myself and pave my own definition of being man (whenever a man teaches me a lesson I engrave it in my brain). I try to be a “man” but it’s so hard because I have to learn so much and I know so little. I know that an oil change won’t make me a “man” but I like to do things by myself and not depend on others. Well back to the story so the mechanic got the drain plug out and my mom made me feel like crap for no reason. I know my mom and I have different mindset because we’re born in different times and places like she was born in El Salvador and I in the United States but I don’t think she gets how everything has a solution and how getting mad at the little things gets you no where and I know I shouldn’t have spoken back to my mom but she pushed a button I’m very sensitive about. I just want to say this before I gotta go to work this morning, before you get mad or say something hurtful to someone ask yourself “how will saying this or doing this, benefit the situation” it probably won’t so always think twice, you don’t want to make the situation worse. Luckily for my mama I love her and I don’t hold grudges so everything is okay lol and my car runs amazingly now since I also got a tune up on the car while at the mechanic, so I can’t complain or be upset. I hope everyone has a great day! Remember to smile!

I Wrote This When I was Mad

Because not all superheroes wear capes 
I can no longer be your chew toy so that you can escape
I can’t be controlled by someone who just walks away my from my life
And you think you still have that power over me? Man that’s not right
Honestly I use to think all girls are crazy except for you then your true colors came
You probably thought we felt the same
So now again I’m the one to blame
Because with all your delusions and probably your friends contributions to “advice”
The shit you said doesn’t even sound right but it probably sufficed your bruised ego
Now this is me saying let me go
Because you judge me for writing about pain instead of asking me and picking at my brain
Yeah I understand that you use to mean the world to me but how can you tell me how to feel?
That’s on me.
I know who you become so don’t tell me you’re not that person anymore, unfortunately I’ve noticed you don’t know how to read because things I write are in the past tense and I’m allowed to keep happy memories
So stop trying to fight me I’m no longer your enemy
So keep away I don’t want your energy
I want peace
I don’t deal well with confrontation
So stop with your speculations
Maybe you should try yoga and meditation
Like don’t lose your concentration you have bigger things to worry about
I never want to hear you shout
Because you have been mean and unfair
And all I did was play nice and stare
So this is my comeback
My clap-back
So now I have to spit facts
Because your brain cell lack the capability to understand I’m no longer your man, YOU left me out of your plan
So show me where you stand
Help me understand
Are you really over this shit
Because I’ve always been smart enough to take a hint
You’re on this journey and I think you’re trying to sprint through it, this first time it’s a good thing to finish last, who knew it
You’ll never forget me or get over me, you blew it
Love yours truly, Somebody you use to know.