What I want.

I hope there’s not too many errors in this post I didn’t have much time to write this today before I went to work

So there’s this girl I barely talk to, but every time I do somehow she ends up saying “aww you’ll find someone someday” and I don’t know why she said that. I rather be alone, like I’m seriously fine with being alone. It sounds weird I know but I just don’t click well with people that well anymore and it seems like the older I get, I start speaking less and less to people like wanting to connect with new people, I judge a lot not in like oh that person is stupid way but more in I compare people to me way so if you’re not like me, we’ll probably won’t be friends. It’s just weird how she assumes that I’m looking for someone. Personally a relationship is just not what I want anymore. I’m 22 going on to 23 and while it’s May and I see people graduating from school, getting married or having kids. I’m not jealous about any of that. I’m happy for everyone else who is graduating, getting married or having kids because obviously that’s their dream but unfortunately that’s not mine. People think that just because you do any of things that I mentioned, that you’re happy or successful but I’m not any of those and I’ve never been happier. The other day I was going through my photos and after scrolling for a while, I said to myself, I have a fucking amazing life like I’m so lucky, I’ve travel so much since I left high school, like I know other people travel and others probably travel more than I do but I don’t know all the journeys I got to experience with all these different people. I think that’s what life is about. It’s not about fulfilling other people’s expectations. It’s about literally doing what the fuck you want.

Two weekends ago I was high at the bar and I said to myself “wow we really are the stars of our own movies” like you are in control of your life, so if you’re not happy with a situation, do something about it. In the end of the day you are in control of your happiness.

So to the girl who keeps telling me “aww you’ll find someone one day” I say no thank you. I’m not looking for a perfect someone. I’m looking for me. That’s why my blog is called discovering me. I don’t know how old all my followers are but if you’re on social media and you see someone with the “perfect life” don’t be jealous, 1. Be happy for them and 2. Their life probably isn’t perfect, so don’t worry if yours isn’t. Just focus on yourself. An example of this is my best friend Brian, I really hope his baby mama doesn’t read my blogs. He graduated from university, has a kid with his high school sweetheart, a beautiful home, a nice car, and he is one of the most unhappiest people I know. Me on the other hand I have none of that and I’m one of the happiest people I know. All these experiences I’ve been lucky to have, Brian hasn’t been apart of any of it, if anything he missed out on all of them. So just because you want something doesn’t mean it’ll make you happy. I hope you guys enjoy your life and start living in the moment and not in the future

P.s. yesterday at work went great and I was anxious for no reason, always remember to have faith in yourself because I seem to always forget lol


Four Days no Social Media

So, since I deactivated my social media accounts on Sunday, I’ve been feeling so much better. I have a new routine now. I wake up go to the bathroom take out my retainer, brush my teeth and my retainer, then I wash my face because that’s my new year’s resolution to have healthier skin. After taking care of my personal hygiene, I eat breakfast which is typically cereal, a clementine and peppermint tea of course! After that I go to work either, I’m writing or actually going to my job. When I get home I try to cook a meal for me and my older brother then I relax by playing video games or watching television for a bit, then when I’m ready to go to bed, I go wash my face and brush my teeth then put my retainer back in. After that I read my book for a few minutes until I notice I’m about to fall asleep then I pray. I pray to God to help me become the stronger man I want to be and to protect the people I hold closest to my heart.

How have I been feeling, you ask? Well I feel a lot better and I find that not being on social media is kind of fun to be honest. I don’t feel entitled to pretend to be happy, I feel happier and I feel more focused. You’re probably asking what do you do on your phone then? Well I was on Pinterest a lot just looking at things I want, like my dream is to own a writer’s desk with a succulent on it. My current living situation just doesn’t allow me to have that right now and that’s okay because I know I’ll get it. Another thing I do on my phone is go on reddit, I just downloaded the app yesterday and let me tell you it makes having no social media A LOT EASIER! There’s so many meme’s and post about anything you’re looking for and it just keeps me entertained.

Do I recommend disabling your social media? Yeah, I do. You feel free and I think everyone should try it a least once in your lifetime. It allows you to get a hold of reality and just think random thoughts. For example, something I tend to think about is, I think I want to practice abstinence if I really love the next person I’m with, it sounds weird but I don’t know. I started thinking about my past, but I really made my ex-girlfriend feel like she was just a body and not my partner and I would never want to make someone feel like that again. I want the person I’m with to feel special, sex is nice, but I know what I want in a person. I want someone athletic because I’m always doing something whether it’s running or going to the gym, I need someone somewhat athletic. I want this person to love being outdoors preferably hiking but the beach is cool too I always did want to learn how to surf, another thing I want this person to be is compassionate, I love someone with a kind heart. Someone funny will win me over easily, another thing but not necessary, I’m not really into girls that wear makeup or a lot of it, it’s just not my cup of tea. I need someone to be weird like me. Someone cute and creative, someone brave who enjoys taking risks. Then for appearance, they must have beautiful eyes so I can just stare at them all day, also they need to have a nice head/forehead to give them tiny kisses because I always show my affection and most importantly someone who smiles a lot, I love smiles. Someone who I smell, and it smells like home and someone when I hug, I feel like I’m in the right place. Someone I love spending all my time with. I don’t know, like I know it’s a lot but yeah, I just know what I want.

So, I think I’m going back on social media on Sunday so it will fully be a week but I think I will totally be on it a lot less in my opinion. Social media is just something we don’t need but it’s nice to have to be connected with friends. I think if I ever find myself just struggling again, the first thing I’ll do is turn off social media.

The boy With the Golden Heart

All they did was hurt you 
But you still have a heart of gold
Because your faith is something you hold on to
You expect the world to be kind as you
But they hurt you
Somehow you still walk with a heart of gold
You do acts of kindness
As you remain in silence
As you continue to hurt
Asking yourself is it worth it?
You continue to smile because you’re the boy with the golden heart
Today will be the day that nice guys won't finish last
Hopefully this time it will last
Because no matter how fast people tend to leave
No one will break that heart of gold.
You are the boy with the golden heart.