Bailey Bean’s Goodbye

This is the last time I write about you. This will be the first time I mention your name. Bailey, thank you for being my inspiration in my past posts. I took the pain from our relationship and wrote about it, I tried to turn it into something beautiful like you. I know you hated that because you didn’t like people knowing your business. I apologize for that. I no longer feel pain, I no longer feel sad, most importantly I no longer feel sorry for myself. I owe you multiple apologizes, I know you said you forgave me, but I know there will always be that part of yourself that doesn’t forgive me completely and that’s okay I understand that.

First thing I would like to apologize for is, putting you through hell and you having to put up with my bullshit. I apologize for being young and dumb, thinking I was untouchable. I thought rules didn’t apply to me, I believed you were a push over and knew I’d be able to get away with a lot of crap. I did get away with a lot too but in the end of the day there’s just so much crap one person can put up with, you know?

Second thing I would love to apologize for is, like in Ephesians 4:2 states “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” I was none of that towards you. I took out my frustration multiple times out on you. I said so many mean things to you on purpose just so I would get a reaction from you. I so sorry for the dumb shit I said. I wish I could take them back because I know those words are the things that linger in the long run. I wish I was more patient and gentler towards you. I wish I matured more to handle the beautiful thing I had right in front of me.

Lastly, I apologize for not being faithful. You didn’t deserve that from me. From anyone as matter of fact. I just want to state that during it at the time, and I know this is hard to believe but during me being unfaithful, I loved you. People think that people cheat because they fell out of love, for me that wasn’t the case. Temptations got the best of me. I don’t think I was ready for a relationship. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wanted to live my life to fullest, but I also didn’t want to lose you because I did want to marry you someday.

Why am I writing this you ask? Well like I said I will no longer write about her, so for the people who enjoy my poems, I won’t be writing as many, my blog will transition to me telling stories about my life, and it’s not her fault, I swear. It’s because I no longer feel the pain I felt. If you did like and enjoy my poems then you should thank her. She has been my inspiration behind it all.

One last thing, tips or just advice for my ex, you may not need it, but I would like to share my wisdom with you. You don’t have to please everyone in the world, be selfish put yourself first. Your happiness comes first. I’m glad I met you, you’re my hardest lesson ever learned and the person I have loved the most so far in my life. Like everyone who wins the lottery, they lose it all. That’s what happen to me when it came to you. I was the luckiest man because I had you. People must know that women like you just don’t come along that often. Loving, caring, silly, creative, supportive, loyal, and there’s just so much more I can say but I don’t want to drag this post but whoever ends up with her, will be the luckiest person in the world. I will continue to live my best life and will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers every night. I know you’re meant to do great things. Some days you may feel lost or not know what to do. Just do whatever makes you happiest who cares about what everyone else thinks or how long it may take because you can do anything if you set your mind to it. If you ever need anything don’t hesitate to ask, you’ll always have a friend in me.

                                Maybe our souls will cross paths again in another life.

                                                                Your Friend, Steven

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Taking the Sourest Lemon and Somehow Turning it to Something That Resembles Lemonade

I was watching ‘A Million Little Things’ today (which is an amazing show by the way, makes me cry all the time.) and one of the characters Jon said “we can’t change our past, we can only change our reaction to it, because even if the past is painful, you never know when it will lead to something wonderful.” For me this quote perfectly explained how I live my life now, I mean there’s not a day that doesn’t go by where I wish I could change the past because I’ve done some fucked up things, but I know I can’t. A few months ago, I was just tired of feeling bad for myself, I was just guilty of things I couldn’t control, things that weren’t even my fault. I decided that I would take all my pain and turn it into something I could learn from. I think I matured so much because of this, I’m no longer a person who hates, I’m someone who motivates. I will no longer put people down because of my past, not even the people who have hurt me, yes I might take a step back from them because I don’t want that negative energy in my life, but all that anger that person may have towards me, I will no longer fight fire with fire, I will fight fire with love. One day that pain will go away, lets spread love. Let’s turn something ugly into something that could possibly be beautiful one day. Just remember everything is beautiful depending how you look at it. This quote is amazing honestly, wish I heard it sooner. My past can never be changed, and I’ve accepted and no longer mad about it and I know my future is bright.

Love me…

Why don't you love me 
Why did you leave
You left me alone 
There was nothing to hold 
No more stories to unfold 
without a trace 
I no longer see your face 
we had a hot flame 
burnt out , am I the one to blame?
How could this transpire?
Going through the wire 
Yet I'm the liar. 
Oh how I miss your skin 
when will I ever win.