Bailey Bean’s Goodbye

This is the last time I write about you. This will be the first time I mention your name. Bailey, thank you for being my inspiration in my past posts. I took the pain from our relationship and wrote about it, I tried to turn it into something beautiful like you. I know you hated that because you didn’t like people knowing your business. I apologize for that. I no longer feel pain, I no longer feel sad, most importantly I no longer feel sorry for myself. I owe you multiple apologizes, I know you said you forgave me, but I know there will always be that part of yourself that doesn’t forgive me completely and that’s okay I understand that.

First thing I would like to apologize for is, putting you through hell and you having to put up with my bullshit. I apologize for being young and dumb, thinking I was untouchable. I thought rules didn’t apply to me, I believed you were a push over and knew I’d be able to get away with a lot of crap. I did get away with a lot too but in the end of the day there’s just so much crap one person can put up with, you know?

Second thing I would love to apologize for is, like in Ephesians 4:2 states “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” I was none of that towards you. I took out my frustration multiple times out on you. I said so many mean things to you on purpose just so I would get a reaction from you. I so sorry for the dumb shit I said. I wish I could take them back because I know those words are the things that linger in the long run. I wish I was more patient and gentler towards you. I wish I matured more to handle the beautiful thing I had right in front of me.

Lastly, I apologize for not being faithful. You didn’t deserve that from me. From anyone as matter of fact. I just want to state that during it at the time, and I know this is hard to believe but during me being unfaithful, I loved you. People think that people cheat because they fell out of love, for me that wasn’t the case. Temptations got the best of me. I don’t think I was ready for a relationship. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wanted to live my life to fullest, but I also didn’t want to lose you because I did want to marry you someday.

Why am I writing this you ask? Well like I said I will no longer write about her, so for the people who enjoy my poems, I won’t be writing as many, my blog will transition to me telling stories about my life, and it’s not her fault, I swear. It’s because I no longer feel the pain I felt. If you did like and enjoy my poems then you should thank her. She has been my inspiration behind it all.

One last thing, tips or just advice for my ex, you may not need it, but I would like to share my wisdom with you. You don’t have to please everyone in the world, be selfish put yourself first. Your happiness comes first. I’m glad I met you, you’re my hardest lesson ever learned and the person I have loved the most so far in my life. Like everyone who wins the lottery, they lose it all. That’s what happen to me when it came to you. I was the luckiest man because I had you. People must know that women like you just don’t come along that often. Loving, caring, silly, creative, supportive, loyal, and there’s just so much more I can say but I don’t want to drag this post but whoever ends up with her, will be the luckiest person in the world. I will continue to live my best life and will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers every night. I know you’re meant to do great things. Some days you may feel lost or not know what to do. Just do whatever makes you happiest who cares about what everyone else thinks or how long it may take because you can do anything if you set your mind to it. If you ever need anything don’t hesitate to ask, you’ll always have a friend in me.

                                Maybe our souls will cross paths again in another life.

                                                                Your Friend, Steven

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Happy Anniversary

April 9th, 2013 I’m so happy
April 9th, I fell in love with a girl who licked rocks.
April 9th, I fell in love with a girl who loved socks.
April 9th, I fell in love with a girl who was my best friend.
April 9th, I fell in love with a girl who I thought was ride or die till the end.
April 9th, I fell in love with a girl who loved to bake.
April 9th, I fell in love with a girl who would taste better than a T-bone steak.
April 9th, I fell in love with a girl whose heart was gold.
April 9th, I fell in love with a girl who I love to hold
April 9th, I fell in love with a girl who was the opposite of me
April 9th, I fell in love with a girl, the best girl. Yeah I know hard to believe.
April 9th, 2016 Fuck I made a mistake. At least you’re still my date.
April 9th, 2017 I’m so alone.
April 9th, 2018 I’m a mess.  
April 9th, 2019 I’m okay, I wish nothing but the best for you.

April’s Real Fool

No one thinks about the jester
But the jester thinks about you
I have to keep you entertained
I mean you’re the queen living in the castle
And I’m the man without a home
I still wonder when you’ll let me in
All those knights, yet I’m still stupid enough to put up a fight
All those nights, I’m still acting like a fool
But you’re the queen and I’m your tool
On some days, even me the jester wants the queen

Say My Name

I miss you more than words could ever explain.
I know that it’s all in my brain,
but I stay up at night thinking of you and that drives me insane,
That’s my own fault and I’m the one to blame.
Maybe someday you’ll feel the same,
Hopefully one day you’ll say my name.

Fill Rust.

You make me so numb
I wish I could feel
But my emotions you steal
I guess that’s just how I’m made
My heart with a blockade
I can’t grow in this cage
In rage
How could you walk
Without a talk
You said forever
I didn’t think that meant never
You never gave me enough credit
I mean you said it
I’m not him.
Something about his aurora or his presence
You made me feel like peasant
So unpleasant
I try to act like I’m not hurt or like I’m okay
But no lie
I still cry
Trying to forget what you did
Who am I going to kid
I’m scarred
And all that love you borrowed
I need it back so I don’t spiral
Oh how I was a fool
You used me like tool
Right in front me with all that disrespect
But how was I suppose to suspect
Let alone detect what was under my nose
Stupid of me that no questions arose
I mean what am I suppose to do
You already chose
I hope it was worth it
Because I’ve never felt more broken.
Maybe I should be king of the knots,
Since I always have knots in my stomach.

Mess

My life will never be the same
I have a soul that can’t be tamed 
Lost the love of my life
The person who I taught was going to be my wife 
I dropped out of university 
Now I’m trying to figure out what the universe means to me 
My life’s a mess 
Somehow it’s been the best 
My life is a mess and I couldn’t be any more happier

Maybe One Day

Maybe one day I’ll see you and tell you I found someone new,
someone who doesn’t give up on me.
Maybe one day I’ll see you and tell you I’m in love with someone else,
someone would loves me better than you did.
Maybe one day I’ll see you and tell you I’m extremely happy,
happier since you left my life.
Today I haven’t found anyone new.
Today I’m still madly in love with you.
Today no matter how happy I think I am, it will never compared to the moments I was with you.