Boys in the woods.

As if we were kids again. Let’s get lost in this moss we call the woods. The deeper I go, I feel my soul feel electric. This is what makes me feel alive. Not a care in the world, not afraid to die. Exploring new horizons, wondering what can we find. Excited by making new trails and paths. Just boys in the woods. Wondering how far our legs go. Wondering how long my lungs can last. Whether I walk slow or fast, noticing how my heart will react. Loving my sight, inspiration by a different kind of beauty. The Sun beaming, kissing my skin, drenched in sweat, can’t get enough of sunsets. Two boys wanting to take over the world, wishing we could just live here forever.

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Oil Change

So the other day I was going to do an oil change on my car but I stripped the drain plug bolt. For me I didnt care because I knew I could just take it to the mechanic and I knew he’d be able to get the bolt out but my mom got really upset with me, she said “Steven you can’t do anything.” I don’t ever talk back to my mom, I usually let her talk my ear off but whenever someone insults my intelligence or calls me dumb or useless, I get upset because I know I’m a smart kid, I think it got me a little extra mad because I literally do everything for my mom. So I said “oh yeah and you know how to do everything,” then my mom said “well at least I don’t try to do stuff I don’t know how to do”. So I responded “well if you don’t know how to do something you then gotta learn” and she stayed quiet. For me and oil change is one of the simplest things to do on your car, I’ve seen my step dad do it so many times and I know how to do it but the drain plug was so rusty that it wouldn’t come off no matter what I did, it just kept stripping and getting more deformed from it’s original shape. I know my mom means well but her words hurt because she doesn’t know how I feel about not growing up with a dad to teach me “man” things. My whole life I had to teach myself and pave my own definition of being man (whenever a man teaches me a lesson I engrave it in my brain). I try to be a “man” but it’s so hard because I have to learn so much and I know so little. I know that an oil change won’t make me a “man” but I like to do things by myself and not depend on others. Well back to the story so the mechanic got the drain plug out and my mom made me feel like crap for no reason. I know my mom and I have different mindset because we’re born in different times and places like she was born in El Salvador and I in the United States but I don’t think she gets how everything has a solution and how getting mad at the little things gets you no where and I know I shouldn’t have spoken back to my mom but she pushed a button I’m very sensitive about. I just want to say this before I gotta go to work this morning, before you get mad or say something hurtful to someone ask yourself “how will saying this or doing this, benefit the situation” it probably won’t so always think twice, you don’t want to make the situation worse. Luckily for my mama I love her and I don’t hold grudges so everything is okay lol and my car runs amazingly now since I also got a tune up on the car while at the mechanic, so I can’t complain or be upset. I hope everyone has a great day! Remember to smile!

The I Don’t Know

I’ve been reading this book called “The Cow in the Parking Lot” by Leonard Scheff and Susan Edmiston. I wanted to share a short story from this book that recently changed my mind set on how to live my life and hopefully it helps you. “A landlord came to the Zen master in a state of distress. One of his stable hands had left the door to the barn open and his prize stallion had escaped. “What a disaster!” the man cried. The master replied only, “I don’t know.” The landlord left in disgust. A few days later, the stallion returned to the barn followed by three wild mares. The landlord returned to the master and said, “It wasn’t a disaster. It was a blessing” The master replied, “I don’t know.” The landlord left, doubting the wisdom of the master. When the landlord’s son was breaking the mares, he was thrown and broke his leg. The landlord returned to the master and told him of the event and said the master was right that it was not a blessing. The master replied, “I don’t know.” When the soldiers of the emperor came to recruit young men for an upcoming battle, they left the son behind because of his broken leg. The son said, “Father, what a blessing my broken leg is.” The Father said, “I don’t know.” This story really impacted me because so many things that we believe are a blessing may not be and things we think are bad for us in the long run might be for the best. We think we know what’s best for us, but the future is so uncertain. I thought that losing my girlfriend was the worst thing that has ever happened to me and that I’d be lost without her, I thought she was best for me but honestly, I don’t know. It might have been a blessing, but I don’t know yet because yes, I lost my best friend but I’m also experiencing life a lot more differently now than when I was with her. I think I’m wiser now and I tend to get out of my comfort zone more so this could be what I needed or maybe I did lose the best thing about me, but I’ll never know until life plays out. In the end of the day always try to be happy and be thankful for all the little things in your life. Love you guys!

Fear of Being Alone

We all want love. It’s just something we crave but the more I notice, I feel like people don’t let their hearts heal before moving on. Let me explain. I think we have this huge fear of being alone or that things won’t get better from our past, or we honestly just want to move on, so someone new is that quick fix that we’re looking for. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay if you hold on for that pain for a bit. Let your heart heal before you meet someone new. I don’t think it’s fair to be with someone, if I’m in love with someone else and I’m speaking from experience, so story time. I went out with this girl from bumble (a dating app) and for some reason she like fell in love with me after the first date, which blew my mind because like she barely knew me, and I didn’t say she was going to be my girlfriend. Well after the first date I notice that she deleted her bumble which for me was extremely odd because like I said we weren’t together and from my understanding and from what I told her I said I wasn’t ready for a relationship. The reason why I told her I didn’t want a relationship was because I knew I was still in love with my ex at the time and I knew that this was the first date I went on after my break up which I kept telling myself I can’t settle for the first person I meet, why’d I tell myself that you ask? Well I think I would have attached myself to this person for the wrong reasons, my fear of being alone and just for that person to make me feel better. I shouldn’t have to depend on someone else for my happiness. I tell myself all the time I have to learn to be happy on myself and just love myself the best I can, you can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself and for me that was an important concept. I have a tendency for just settling for the first thing that comes into my life, and that’s not okay. Be patient, I promise you that you don’t need anyone right now. Good things come to those who wait. Just let things fall into place, the right person will come into your life when you’re not even looking. Enjoy being single, trust me it’s not for forever even if it seems that way. Love you guys.

Valentine’s Day

I know It’s pretty late and there’s probably a lot of grammar errors but oh well, I should have written this sooner, but I was working, and I thought about it while I was working. Show your significant other you love them this Valentine’s day. One of the last mistakes I made before my ex fell out of love with me was that I didn’t do anything crazy or cared that it was valentine’s day. I just don’t like holidays and I don’t like how commercialized love is on this day because you should love your significant other everyday not just one day of the year. I didn’t put any effort and she didn’t feel the same way I did about the holiday obviously, but I’m an idiot of course, the point of me sharing this story is that, talk to your partner! Ask them what they want on valentine’s day so they aren’t not disappointed and just because they told you what they wanted doesn’t mean you’re in the clear, be romantic about it, have fun with it, that’s the person you want to spend a lifetime with, so make them feel loved, don’t assume they don’t want anything because YOU don’t want anything. We get mad when our expectations aren’t met and we want our partners to be able to read our minds when it comes to things like this, we want things but how are they supposed to know if you don’t ask for them? That’s just not how things work. Remember to always communicate with one another and always tell each other that you love one another. I know I won’t ever make that mistake again. So, if you didn’t do anything fancy today for whatever your reason is, make it up to them tomorrow. Show them you love them. Thanks for reading. Love you guys. Happy Valentine’s Day.