What’s to come…

So with work and just life going on, I’ve just been very busy lately and I know that isn’t an excuse and I’m probably just going to get busier with summer coming but like in my last post I do want to write more.

So what is to come in the future? Well yesterday I just bought my first DSLR camera which I’ve been wanting to buy since last year. I just need to make one more big purchase and I’m set to start my summer project. My summer project I’ve been planning it out here and there but I’m getting closer to start it. So I use to make YouTube videos and let me tell you they were terrible so I deleted all of them except for one because I knew I was going to do YouTube again and I didn’t want to start over with making a channel. Why’d I quit in the first place? Good question at that point of my life I was just giving up on everything, I was frustrated and my computer wasn’t strong enough to handle video editing so it took way too long to edit a video plus while watching the video during editing it would always lag while I edit so I couldn’t see what exactly I was editing or I’d have to watch it over and over again until I got it right, the videos weren’t coming out how I wanted them to be but now that I have this great big idea I think I’m ready to try again. Since my knowledge about film making, computers and cameras grew.

What’s my big idea? Another good question well when I first did YouTube it was strictly Vlogs and I felt like I had to force my life to be exciting and it didn’t seem genuine. I always wanted to make films. Films, photos, and writing are where I get to show off my creativity. So as some of my first couple of followers know, I was majoring in psychology at University at Albany, why is that important to know well my videos aren’t going to be about psychology necessarily but I’m starting off with my friends (my friends don’t know yet I’ve been keeping quiet about it) then working up my courage to ask strangers but I’m going to ask them deep questions and they can answer it however they want to answer it jokingly or seriously whatever but I want it to be like a therapy session where they can vent their feelings or problems, where I can be someone people talk to and I know not many people are open to sharing their feelings especially on the internet but we’ll see how it goes. This is a learning experience and we’ll see how it goes. Every time I have a new idea as in a new question to ask people I write it down in my book that no one knows I own (top secret 🤫). So for example my first question I wrote down was “why aren’t you where you want to be in life” these types of questions aren’t to make people feel bad, they’re so people understand we’re more similar to each other than you think. Everyone goes through shit and experiences are different for everyone, so it’s okay if you’re not at the point in life where you want to be. It’s okay to feel hurt sometimes.

Well more to come soon I’ll keep you guys update when I start my project it’s most likely beginning in the end of summer but I’ll keep you posted and to all my followers thank you for your patiences and support. I hope all this will be worth the wait, in the meantime here’s my first crappy blog if anyone wants to check it out https://youtu.be/1qL_IIZJBVk

Peace ✌🏽

Advertisements

Boys in the woods.

As if we were kids again. Let’s get lost in this moss we call the woods. The deeper I go, I feel my soul feel electric. This is what makes me feel alive. Not a care in the world, not afraid to die. Exploring new horizons, wondering what can we find. Excited by making new trails and paths. Just boys in the woods. Wondering how far our legs go. Wondering how long my lungs can last. Whether I walk slow or fast, noticing how my heart will react. Loving my sight, inspiration by a different kind of beauty. The Sun beaming, kissing my skin, drenched in sweat, can’t get enough of sunsets. Two boys wanting to take over the world, wishing we could just live here forever.

Long Island Part 2

Lately I’ve been so in love with my life, I love nature, I love just being alive. I feel like I’ve been exploring so much I just love the place I live. I know it’s not the greatest place but there’s just so much places I haven’t explored, I have so much friends here, old ones and I make new ones every week. Just going with the flow.

Today at work my friend Jeff was being dumb as always but a truck pulled up while we were enjoying lunch outside and Jeff said I think he has a gun and I said to my coworkers “my life is so perfect right now, I don’t care if I die”, I’ve experienced so much in life. I feel like I experienced it all and I don’t want to die but I’d be okay if nature just took its course on me. Anyways the guy in the truck told me to come so I did. He was telling me he use to be a meth addict and that how God saved his life and he said one day he started praying and his addiction went away now I already do believe in God. So it was kind of cool just hearing his story. It was funny to see all my coworkers being afraid. So I guess the lesson of the day is be fearless! You never know who you’ll encounter, Thank you for telling me your story Joey.

Confidence

It’s crazy because I had this in my drafts (I completely forgot to post this, its over a month old) and couldn’t post it because I just simply didn’t know the answer to this but I went to the WWE’s Hall of Fame, I honestly didn’t think I was going to find the answer I was looking for at a wrestling event.
So story time, I have this one friend who lacks confidence, he thinks he’s extremely fat which he isn’t at all. So me and my other friend are trying to get him out of his comfort zone a bit. So we went to the mall the other day just to show him like what we think is cool and just trying to give him tips to be more confident. My friend who lacks confidence was telling me and my other friend how he likes loose fitting jeans, which isn’t a bad thing, but I want him to try wearing skinny jeans just to see how he feels in them. His wardrobe isn’t bad either but I feel like he dresses too much like an adult, I mean I’m 22 and I use to dress a lot like him and maybe it’s because we’re a product of the town we grew up in and we were trying to fit in with the rich white kids but lately I’ve switched up my style I’ve been dressing down a lot and yeah I might look like hooligan but I feel comfortable and confident in my clothes
So what are some tips to being confident you may ask? Well personally I don’t know. WWE’s Hall of Fame wrestler Torrie Wilson knows for sure. She first said she was a shy person but she pushed herself to be confident for all her fan which I respect a lot. Her first tip was “Permission is for pansies” don’t ask permission to do what you want to do. It’s your life! you should live it however way you want to live it. Her second tip, which I thought was pretty funny “Summon your Swagger!” for me this meant whenever the occasion calls for it, be the most confident person you know. Yeah this is probably the hard part of confidence but think of it this way. You don’t always need to be super confident but let’s say you’re dancing at a club or something, you’re shy of dancing in public, summon your swag, even if you look stupid at dancing, your happy and having a great time people will notice your confidence. Torrie Wilson’s last tip and probably the most important. “Forget your failures” Look everyone is going to fuck up but you can’t let that get the best of you. Example of this is I went to bar with my friend Justin in the city and he just recently became single and he doesn’t talk to random girls at bars but he did it anyways. He got rejected and he took it like a champ. Already forgetting his failure, he took it more like a lesson. He said “wow honestly that gave me so much confidence I’ve never done that before but I think I can do that now with no fear.” Props to him because I’m still scared to do that lol.
Look confidence comes in difference forms but we shouldn’t let fear ruin our lives. Life is too short to be living it to the fullest. BE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR IN SKIN. take chances. Always believe in yourself, you’re capable of doing anything you set your mind to and more.

Happy Friday guys! Enjoy the start of your weekend and be confident with whatever you do today. Love you guys!

What I want.

I hope there’s not too many errors in this post I didn’t have much time to write this today before I went to work

So there’s this girl I barely talk to, but every time I do somehow she ends up saying “aww you’ll find someone someday” and I don’t know why she said that. I rather be alone, like I’m seriously fine with being alone. It sounds weird I know but I just don’t click well with people that well anymore and it seems like the older I get, I start speaking less and less to people like wanting to connect with new people, I judge a lot not in like oh that person is stupid way but more in I compare people to me way so if you’re not like me, we’ll probably won’t be friends. It’s just weird how she assumes that I’m looking for someone. Personally a relationship is just not what I want anymore. I’m 22 going on to 23 and while it’s May and I see people graduating from school, getting married or having kids. I’m not jealous about any of that. I’m happy for everyone else who is graduating, getting married or having kids because obviously that’s their dream but unfortunately that’s not mine. People think that just because you do any of things that I mentioned, that you’re happy or successful but I’m not any of those and I’ve never been happier. The other day I was going through my photos and after scrolling for a while, I said to myself, I have a fucking amazing life like I’m so lucky, I’ve travel so much since I left high school, like I know other people travel and others probably travel more than I do but I don’t know all the journeys I got to experience with all these different people. I think that’s what life is about. It’s not about fulfilling other people’s expectations. It’s about literally doing what the fuck you want.

Two weekends ago I was high at the bar and I said to myself “wow we really are the stars of our own movies” like you are in control of your life, so if you’re not happy with a situation, do something about it. In the end of the day you are in control of your happiness.

So to the girl who keeps telling me “aww you’ll find someone one day” I say no thank you. I’m not looking for a perfect someone. I’m looking for me. That’s why my blog is called discovering me. I don’t know how old all my followers are but if you’re on social media and you see someone with the “perfect life” don’t be jealous, 1. Be happy for them and 2. Their life probably isn’t perfect, so don’t worry if yours isn’t. Just focus on yourself. An example of this is my best friend Brian, I really hope his baby mama doesn’t read my blogs. He graduated from university, has a kid with his high school sweetheart, a beautiful home, a nice car, and he is one of the most unhappiest people I know. Me on the other hand I have none of that and I’m one of the happiest people I know. All these experiences I’ve been lucky to have, Brian hasn’t been apart of any of it, if anything he missed out on all of them. So just because you want something doesn’t mean it’ll make you happy. I hope you guys enjoy your life and start living in the moment and not in the future

P.s. yesterday at work went great and I was anxious for no reason, always remember to have faith in yourself because I seem to always forget lol

5 year plan?

Yesterday someone posted an Instagram poll on their story asking their followers if they had a 5 year plan. I didn’t have one. That made me feel like my life didn’t have a purpose because I don’t know what’s to come next with my life. In 5 years I’ll be 27/28 years old. I want to do something with my life but I don’t know what. Right now my life consists of just working. I work Monday through Saturday. I don’t mind my job but I also don’t want that to be my life forever. So I guess this post is forcing me to come up with a 5 year plan now. So year one I move out my house, move in with two of my friends. Year two depending how I’m doing financially, go back to school, switch my major to English since I’m a psychology major now and no longer want to continue studying psychology. Year three attempt to write a book. Year four maybe find somebody to love (I don’t know if I want to get married though, so I should probably figure that out first). Year five, take a vacation from everything and everyone. I feel like I always have trouble figuring out who I am, maybe this way I can. Personally I don’t like how my 5 year plan sounds right now but maybe there will some tweaks along the way. Well let me know if you guys have a 5 year plan, or just an idea of what your future may look like. Have a great day guys!

Pinus Cembra

Because with you all I needed was a picnic blanket, sitting down crisscross applesauce in the woods while the wind blows through my hair and the sun kisses my skin, listening to you tell me, “that’s an American sycamore not a Fraxinus Americana” like if I knew the differences between trees. A simple day in the woods does not feel like a day in the woods, it feels like fireworks in the city because in reality I’m just not you and you’re not me. We’re opposite who just happened to attract. We are opposite who found beauty in one another. I need to tell you. For the first time, I saw this tree and it didn’t remind me of you. It reminded me of me. A beautiful Pinus Cembra which is also know as a swiss pine. Finally, something that doesn’t remind me of the days you were mine. Finally, I can start living for me. Finally, I’m free. Finally. Goodbye tree. Thank you for setting me free.