Boys in the woods.

As if we were kids again. Let’s get lost in this moss we call the woods. The deeper I go, I feel my soul feel electric. This is what makes me feel alive. Not a care in the world, not afraid to die. Exploring new horizons, wondering what can we find. Excited by making new trails and paths. Just boys in the woods. Wondering how far our legs go. Wondering how long my lungs can last. Whether I walk slow or fast, noticing how my heart will react. Loving my sight, inspiration by a different kind of beauty. The Sun beaming, kissing my skin, drenched in sweat, can’t get enough of sunsets. Two boys wanting to take over the world, wishing we could just live here forever.

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What I want.

I hope there’s not too many errors in this post I didn’t have much time to write this today before I went to work

So there’s this girl I barely talk to, but every time I do somehow she ends up saying “aww you’ll find someone someday” and I don’t know why she said that. I rather be alone, like I’m seriously fine with being alone. It sounds weird I know but I just don’t click well with people that well anymore and it seems like the older I get, I start speaking less and less to people like wanting to connect with new people, I judge a lot not in like oh that person is stupid way but more in I compare people to me way so if you’re not like me, we’ll probably won’t be friends. It’s just weird how she assumes that I’m looking for someone. Personally a relationship is just not what I want anymore. I’m 22 going on to 23 and while it’s May and I see people graduating from school, getting married or having kids. I’m not jealous about any of that. I’m happy for everyone else who is graduating, getting married or having kids because obviously that’s their dream but unfortunately that’s not mine. People think that just because you do any of things that I mentioned, that you’re happy or successful but I’m not any of those and I’ve never been happier. The other day I was going through my photos and after scrolling for a while, I said to myself, I have a fucking amazing life like I’m so lucky, I’ve travel so much since I left high school, like I know other people travel and others probably travel more than I do but I don’t know all the journeys I got to experience with all these different people. I think that’s what life is about. It’s not about fulfilling other people’s expectations. It’s about literally doing what the fuck you want.

Two weekends ago I was high at the bar and I said to myself “wow we really are the stars of our own movies” like you are in control of your life, so if you’re not happy with a situation, do something about it. In the end of the day you are in control of your happiness.

So to the girl who keeps telling me “aww you’ll find someone one day” I say no thank you. I’m not looking for a perfect someone. I’m looking for me. That’s why my blog is called discovering me. I don’t know how old all my followers are but if you’re on social media and you see someone with the “perfect life” don’t be jealous, 1. Be happy for them and 2. Their life probably isn’t perfect, so don’t worry if yours isn’t. Just focus on yourself. An example of this is my best friend Brian, I really hope his baby mama doesn’t read my blogs. He graduated from university, has a kid with his high school sweetheart, a beautiful home, a nice car, and he is one of the most unhappiest people I know. Me on the other hand I have none of that and I’m one of the happiest people I know. All these experiences I’ve been lucky to have, Brian hasn’t been apart of any of it, if anything he missed out on all of them. So just because you want something doesn’t mean it’ll make you happy. I hope you guys enjoy your life and start living in the moment and not in the future

P.s. yesterday at work went great and I was anxious for no reason, always remember to have faith in yourself because I seem to always forget lol

5 year plan?

Yesterday someone posted an Instagram poll on their story asking their followers if they had a 5 year plan. I didn’t have one. That made me feel like my life didn’t have a purpose because I don’t know what’s to come next with my life. In 5 years I’ll be 27/28 years old. I want to do something with my life but I don’t know what. Right now my life consists of just working. I work Monday through Saturday. I don’t mind my job but I also don’t want that to be my life forever. So I guess this post is forcing me to come up with a 5 year plan now. So year one I move out my house, move in with two of my friends. Year two depending how I’m doing financially, go back to school, switch my major to English since I’m a psychology major now and no longer want to continue studying psychology. Year three attempt to write a book. Year four maybe find somebody to love (I don’t know if I want to get married though, so I should probably figure that out first). Year five, take a vacation from everything and everyone. I feel like I always have trouble figuring out who I am, maybe this way I can. Personally I don’t like how my 5 year plan sounds right now but maybe there will some tweaks along the way. Well let me know if you guys have a 5 year plan, or just an idea of what your future may look like. Have a great day guys!

Long Island.

You hate this place because it’s not you. You don’t have a clique. You hate these people because they aren’t you. They never got you. You rather see stars and trees because that’s simply what sets you free. It’s unfortunate that there’s only cars and beaches, oh did I mention the pollution and yet you think you have the solution to solve this grand problem that the world must fix, the goal that you chase, the problem you try to erase. At least you know this home isn’t your place.

As for me I miss your face, I’m on this island and I know that this isn’t my place, this is where I met you and I’m in love with the memories. I have a clique, so I feel like I’m forced to stick, but I don’t want to be here too, when I’m home it doesn’t feel like when I was with you. Is it my time to go? You used to say, “home is wherever you are”. I think you found your home and your purpose and I know life is not a race, but I feel like you’re winning. I try to force myself to be happy on the island where I reside. On an island where it’s impossible to get lost, so you know I’m jealous of you because you can just get up and leave, you’re able to get lost. I guess I’m lucky because the lost I get is the I’m lost for words. I never know if I should speak to you or should I just let the cat keep my tongue.