What’s to come…

So with work and just life going on, I’ve just been very busy lately and I know that isn’t an excuse and I’m probably just going to get busier with summer coming but like in my last post I do want to write more.

So what is to come in the future? Well yesterday I just bought my first DSLR camera which I’ve been wanting to buy since last year. I just need to make one more big purchase and I’m set to start my summer project. My summer project I’ve been planning it out here and there but I’m getting closer to start it. So I use to make YouTube videos and let me tell you they were terrible so I deleted all of them except for one because I knew I was going to do YouTube again and I didn’t want to start over with making a channel. Why’d I quit in the first place? Good question at that point of my life I was just giving up on everything, I was frustrated and my computer wasn’t strong enough to handle video editing so it took way too long to edit a video plus while watching the video during editing it would always lag while I edit so I couldn’t see what exactly I was editing or I’d have to watch it over and over again until I got it right, the videos weren’t coming out how I wanted them to be but now that I have this great big idea I think I’m ready to try again. Since my knowledge about film making, computers and cameras grew.

What’s my big idea? Another good question well when I first did YouTube it was strictly Vlogs and I felt like I had to force my life to be exciting and it didn’t seem genuine. I always wanted to make films. Films, photos, and writing are where I get to show off my creativity. So as some of my first couple of followers know, I was majoring in psychology at University at Albany, why is that important to know well my videos aren’t going to be about psychology necessarily but I’m starting off with my friends (my friends don’t know yet I’ve been keeping quiet about it) then working up my courage to ask strangers but I’m going to ask them deep questions and they can answer it however they want to answer it jokingly or seriously whatever but I want it to be like a therapy session where they can vent their feelings or problems, where I can be someone people talk to and I know not many people are open to sharing their feelings especially on the internet but we’ll see how it goes. This is a learning experience and we’ll see how it goes. Every time I have a new idea as in a new question to ask people I write it down in my book that no one knows I own (top secret 🤫). So for example my first question I wrote down was “why aren’t you where you want to be in life” these types of questions aren’t to make people feel bad, they’re so people understand we’re more similar to each other than you think. Everyone goes through shit and experiences are different for everyone, so it’s okay if you’re not at the point in life where you want to be. It’s okay to feel hurt sometimes.

Well more to come soon I’ll keep you guys update when I start my project it’s most likely beginning in the end of summer but I’ll keep you posted and to all my followers thank you for your patiences and support. I hope all this will be worth the wait, in the meantime here’s my first crappy blog if anyone wants to check it out https://youtu.be/1qL_IIZJBVk

Peace ✌🏽

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Have You Ever Had Your Heart Broken.

Here’s a interesting YouTube video I was watching and I would like to give my own answer after you watch it.

The simple answer is yes. So around 6 minutes and 25 seconds I was able to relate with that man. I had one suicidal thought and it was the scariest thing ever. It happen February 9th the moment right after I called my ex. Luckily I did believe in God and had a relationship with him because I don’t know if I’d be here right now if didn’t but that’s a story for another day. I’m here to talk about my heart break, She was my high school sweetheart and my first real relationship, I definitely broke her heart way before she broke mine. I think she’s a wonderful young lady with a kind heart and anyone would be lucky to have her. I don’t hold grudges and I’ve tried to hate her but in the end of the day I never can. She was my bestfriend, yesterday I actually saw a photo of her on Facebook with her cap and gown, it was a bittersweet feeling because I thought I would be there for that chapter of her life, I was always trying to be her little cheerleader in the corner. Trying to help her with homework even though I knew nothing about environmental sciences, so trying to teach myself while trying to help someone else was pretty hard lol. You don’t understand how happy I am for her. When I saw that photo I had the biggest smile on my face because it was such a relief like yes she finally did it. I always knew she was able to do it but just seeing that photo was just a breath of fresh air.

Does it affect me today? Yes but not in the way you think. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for her. If you ever met her you’d probably think she was a weirdo if you just didn’t get her. Under that complex way of thinking she has, she makes you want to change for the better because he ideology of just life is just so humane and humble and I wanted to just like her. Whenever she was down or uncertain of how the future may be, you kind of just wanted to be this positive force for her because there is hope. This affects me today because I’m scared that I will never find someone I had that special bond with again, I’m scared that when I do find someone she won’t get all the love she deserves because in the back of my head there’s always going to be the thought of the bond me and ex had, will it ever compare to what I have now? It affects me today because with my relationships with other people (male or female), I often feel distant since I no longer open myself up to people and if I do open up it takes a lot longer than usual, that makes me a bit sad because I use to be this loud person but now I’m just more quiet if anything.

What would I tell her today? Well obviously just that I’m proud of her and I hope she continues to succeed in life. If I still know her like I use to I’d tell her don’t be scared. Just like us, and now college, this part of your life may be over but there’s many other adventures yet still to come.